Confidence

I wanna talk about confidence.

What is confidence? 
WikipediaConfidence has a common meaning of a certainty about handling something, such as work, family, social events, or relationships.Some have ascribed confidence as a state of being certain either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective. Self-confidence is having confidence in one’s self. Arrogance or hubris in this comparison is having unmerited confidence  believing something or someone is capable or correct when they are not. Overconfidence or presumptuousness is excessive belief in someone (or something) succeeding, without any regard for failure. Confidence can be a self-fulfilling prophecy as those without it may fail or not try because they lack it and those with it may succeed because they have it rather than because of an innate ability.


I do believe confidence is important to all people. And personally, I find confidence sexy. 
Believe in yourself. 
Always easier said than done.
I know this, because I’ve been struggling with low-self confidence for YEARS. To be clear, I don’t feel I lack it now, not on a general basis in my everyday life. I feel quite confident in myself, and it’s a wonderful feeling of freedom, really. If I should describe it with one word : Freedom.
I am free from the burden that tells me: I am not good enough. I can’t fix this, I can’t do anything, I am usless. Don’t even try, you will fail anyways. . . and so on.
It does not mean that these thoughts never occur me from time to time, because they do. But. It’s temporary thoughts, and they will pass, because they often comes with a bad day or after a fight or something like that. It’s human, I think. We all have these days. 
Saying ”I am confident ‘‘ is not equal to ”I do everything great, I am the best, I am perfect, Everything I do is top quality! ”
It’s not what I mean. It’s more like : I do/did my best, and I am happy with it and I can stand for my own opinion. And that’s ALWAYS good enough.
Everyone else that don’t care for you, don’t deserve your time and should certainly not be rewarded by seeing that they broke you. 

I think I slowly began to regain confidence about my looks at first. I was far in my 20s before I accepted my face, my body, my general looks.
I am OK. I don’t feel shit when I see myself in the mirror, not even on early mornings. I see – Me – Nothing more to say about it. 
Later on I started accepting that people liked my drawings, and it motivated me to draw more. And I still draw weekly, so thank you!
I hear some people say I have a nice singing voice (but I am not there to believe it yet, I am working on it!) I find things about me that I like more than other things, and it’s always rather a funny thing. Getting to know myself all over again :p  

I still have a job to do when it comes to performance. Here my confidence is not the best.
This is especially things like where a certain quality is expected from me. I need to perform, and people will be watching, and whatever mistake you do is VERY VISIBLE. 
In these situations I am at the bottom. I am literally afraid, scared and so unsure. 
Ect : Singing solo! Playing piano while people are listening (even in front of my teacher) – These are the things I can think of right now. There are more, but can’t think of any atm.

There is only way to fix it : Do it. Fake it until you make it. Make mistakes, but get back up. Do it again and again, until you just get it right. Relax and know – You won’t die of making a mistake or 10. Nobody else will kill you either.

_______________________
This leads to the next thing I wanna mention.
 – I don’t think confidence comes out of no where. 
I think we all have to work a bit for it. We need to try and fail until we stop failing. When we see and experience positive things in our personal life, confidence grows. But we need help from others. Together we can build each other up. A person with low self confidence need to walk out of its comfort zone and face some fears, and do it until it becomes so natural that it’s boring. When we break a barrier in our life its very rewarding. We meet a wall, but we break it.
That is confidence. 
Don’t run away from your fears, face them. Face them over and over again. Face them until you win. Embrace the feeling. You won. 
Step out from the comfort zone – face your doubts
Be uncomfortable
– because then you have a choice. Fight it? Or flee? 
If you avoid it forever – you will never have the choice. You will never progress, move forward. 
Keep staying where you are will not get you anywhere, it will not build your confidence. Being afraid won’t get you anywhere either. I hate to say it, and it might sound SO horrible. . . but think about it :  F. eks, me. I am afraid of singing solo in front of people. . . Like really. I am shaking, and my voice is shaking so much that every not I sing ends up wrong, though I KNOW, I know this song well… but because of fear, I can’t perform. Not even in front of close friends.
I freeze. 
If I hide away and never try at all – I can never do it. Brutal as it is. (Maybe you can, but I can’t) I HAVE to go out there, try. . . and try and try and try and fail so many times until one day I have failed so many times, that nothing matters anymore. Maybe I can relax more then, and suddenly something will change. I will never know if I don’t step out and face the fear.

About failing : It’s a hard thing. If you fail a million time on the same thing it can really break out confidence . . . if you give up.  If you don’t give up, but give it just one another try, and then you see progress. . .  THAT Feeling! 
This is typic for me in computergames : That feeling when you defeated THAT ONE boss, after 1000 tries. THAT FEELING.
Feel that feeling.

But it’s not our job alone. We need feedback from people. Ask for feedback. But personally the feedback I get that I did not ask for, or expect – its the main elements that have helped me build my confidence.
Feedback and confirmation : ”You draw great” , ” You look great”,  ”You do great” ” You are great” .
We all have a role to build confidence, together. Not alone. Together. 

If people tell me I draw great, but I don’t believe it myself. . . It’s not getting me anywhere. I am stuck where I am. 
How can I believe in my own work? 
– Figure out why I don’t like my own work. What do I want to achieve, what is my goals, what do I need to do better to like my own work, what is the source!?
When I have that answer : Face my fears and work towards it. Try and fail until you stop failing. . . so much. 
And for all the love in this world : If your friends tell you that you are/do great, SAY THANK YOU ( UNTIL YOU BELIEVE IT YOURSELF, then continue say thank you) Just do it. There is no reason why you should make an excuse over why you are not great. If THEY think you are great – You are. <3

Confidence is a constant work
But it all starts with you. 
Why are you not confident, and what can you do about it? (Don’t say nothing. That’s equal to dig yourself down in a hole and decide to stay there. You are better than that) 
 It’s not other peoples job to build your confidence. We do it together.  
Other people might kill and try to destroy yours (They did with me. From the age of 7-16 I was regularly reminded that I am weak and ugly. . .) From 16-25 I had to learn to build it up again, much thanks to good friends seeing and accepting me for the person I am. From 25 – to present , I feel fantastic. I have my flaws and elements I need to work with, but I know them, and I know how to fight it. . . I am just afraid to do it, but I will try, again and again, I promise.

Also, did you know that giving compliments boost your confidence as well? It does.
You make another person smile. It feels good, right?

Believe in yourself.  
Don’t give up when things get tough. If you fall, get back on that bike – Or else you will be afraid of it (that fall) forever.

Again, this is just my views on it. I speak in general, and I am not one who will correct you wrong, (because personal reasons and so on.) but I hope if you struggle with confidence, that you one day also can breathe out and taste the sweetness off being free from that burden of believing ‘ I can’t do anything. I am not good enough. I am not good looking. Everyone else is better.’ 
It’s worth it. And you deserve that too 🙂 

Peace out.

 

 

 

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