Your second language.

Mine is English, as most of us.
At least in Norway we all learn it in school from a pretty young age, I think I was 8 or 9 when we started, but I don’t remember. I have never been strong in languages, ever. I struggled with English as long as I can remember, and still today, when I use it daily – I make plenty mistakes, all the time, both in writing and speaking. But it’s ok. I understand people and most people understand me back. Good enough.
School was worst. I almost failed my last English exam at school (age 19) I got a score of 2 (where 6 is the highest, and 1 is fail) I barely passed. And my average score was 3 during all the school years. The best result I ever got on a test was 4- , it was a writing test. I guess I was 14 or something, then.

At school my parents always told me to do as well as I can. I know that language is not their strongest field either, so they were kind of forgiving when I came home with bad results from English tests, as if it was in my blood to do bad. I always tried my best, but the results never improved much.

When I started working with security and in a reception for an oil-industry I was forced to use English frequently. I was terrified and all shaking every time I got a phone-call from an English speaking customer, but I had to act professional. In the beginning it was a lot of short answers like : ”Yes,sure, ok, one moment, thanks”, I was surprised I got a long way with just that as long as I understood what they were asking for. Eventually I had to write mails in English and talk English with the engineers.
Hell – I even wrote down what I was suppose to say on post-it notes before I delivered the message, just to be sure I could say it.
They kept me there for 10 years, so I must have survived somehow. Suddenly you just stop thinking over it and it becomes natural to you.
I still work in a reception, but now in a Fish/Shipping company, and here it is even more English.
So, I full hearty have to give work the credit for improving my second language.
There is no other way around it. You need to practice often. Speak/write it weekly (daily even)

Sometimes I get a little upset by people who refuse to learn it (because we live in Norway, here we speak Norwegian) I sort of caaaaan understand the elder generation (you know, the war and such) but my generation and even my parents generation should make a small effort.
Why: Simply because the world demands it rather you like it or not. More and more people travel, more and bigger businesses require it because they need to be available to all people. More people from the wild world settles down in Norway, and to learn them to know us better/ visa versa, we should be able to communicate properly. Through English.
If not, man. . . you isolate yourself. Just the majority of the internet, films and games are in English! 🙂

My (painful) process to learn English better was, as you know:
1: Through work.
2: I tried one local LARP where you could choose to speak English or Norwegian once. I was terrified at first, but I gave it a try, and it went SO much better than I feared. Soon I spoke more English than Norwegian and it felt natural.
3: At one point you realize you get more and more English speaking people around you, friends. And nothing is more frustrating than joining a party and you cannot communicate with them because of language barriage.
4: Games/Films – You sometimes have to know what you are doing. And imagine how much you can miss out.
5:  Starting to make all my social media profile English.
6: LARP – I travel to Poland two times a year for LARP, 100% HAVE to speak English all the time. It’s perfect for getting better. People are different, some speak it fluently others not, and together we understand each other perfectly fine 🙂
7: Travel/Vacation : Before I barely spoke anything when I was travelling. Just let everyone else do the orderings for me and such. Now it’s the other way around. I make my own orders and requests, and am not afraid to start a conversation. It’s such a relieving feeling. Practice works, and it feels so great when you know you achieved something.
8: Read English books! You are better than you think.

With all this in mind it took me years. 12 years in fact.
I am as slow learner. Very slow. And it’s a curse, but I can’t do anything about it. Just accept it and do the best out of it.
But: Can I, so can you.
I won’t say I speak English fluently, but I  am 1000% better than I used to be. Just look – I’m writing a LONG post in English.
My blog is fully English, though it means no one local ever read or comments anymore ( I wonder if they read at all. . . it require an effort to read in English you know, and I guess that my rambling is not worth the time :p) I’ve seen this on other blogs too. No one bothers if it’s not in Norwegian.

It’s important. I want everyone to take responsibility for your own learning, school was not enough for me – Don’t blame anyone. You know what to do.
And don’t get on with rambling about that you are too old : There is a lady in my Polish-class, she is 72 and doing awesome. 😉

My 3rd. language is polish, but I have a far way to go there still. But, I try. I need to start watching Polihs movies /Cartoons or something. Reguarly. I found a nice polish song though, that I listen to every now and then. I can sing the first line! Ha ha

But it’s very pretty. Lyrics are lovely (Had a friend translate it for me properly) It’s about love, that much I understood by my self.

Witcher School LARP- March 2020- Under three months left!

Ses.3, ep 5.

I FORGOT TO HYPE!

How can it be? It’s not like I am nit hyped, I just forgot to tell the world again. . . Its 76 days left! Less than three months. Yiha!
Time suddenly pass rather quickly I think. Not complaining at all. Under three months until Ghost’s journey as the Blue stripe continues, under thee months til the famous character Sheets arrives (omg!) under three months until I can see all the smiling faces of my friends again. Under three months until I will meet new soon-to-be-Witchers/Stripes.
Under thee months until I can eat my pizza again.*Drool* It’s soooo good, and as always, that is the first thing I will do when I get back to Poland.

And this time I aim to NOT get sick before the game. . . It was not very fun to miss the majority of the Pre-party because of fever -.- Luckily I recovered before the game (most of the time. Org. team saved me with painkillers and stuff. Gold! They make sure everyone is as comfortable (out of character) as possible during the whole game, I like it.
And I will not be wearing painful shoes this time either, at least make sure to have more than one pair available so I don’t have to die (for real).


Photo: Maciej Margielski

 

But I have to say, I am more excited for this events character-sheet than any other on this season. There is just something I really NEED to know! 😀
I actually don’t know what I can expect this event. . . and I love it! I just really, really, really hope for one thing. . .  and I cannot tell. Hah!

A part from that I am as ready as I can be. The date just need to ping and I am off to geek myself in Poland.
Gaaah, I can smell the pizza already!


Photo: Piotr Muller

I feel like I’m repeating myself, but what the heck.
Witcher School  LARP is growing very popular now, especially after the Witcher Series I can imagine. You should come and see for yourself, it’s totally worth the money and expenses even if you have LARPED before or not. I was sold from the beginning at least (And I never larped outside of my town… ever!) 😉

I love the photographers btw. they are doing such a good job, making me wish I could take pictures too, and just change my job to ”LARP photographer”

Photo: Piotr Muller

The LARP is worth it all alone for the pictures I tell you.
Check out their offical facebook webpage for (*Tickets cough cough*) more: https://www.facebook.com/WitcherSchool/

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah – this will me my 7th WS episode – Shit it’s crazy to think about.

Take me there NOW

A Ghost story #15 – The letter

WARNING:
Before you read, take notice that this is a story around my character on the Witcher School LARP, Season 3, episode 4.
SPOILER ALERT, because it can happen.

For people attending my run: You know this information, your character don’t. Unless she of course, told you, in-game.

It was a thing some people did on my first event. where people wrote down their whole story-line as a story. I got inspired with that and want to continue. A small hype in the everyday life 🙂

Take notice that English is not my mother language, so it’s full of mistakes. I hope it don’t bothers you too much.

 

The story might not be 100% canon, because I can’t remember anything in detail. Was it before/after dinner, this or that day? Was this said by this or that person? ( I don’t remember, I’ll just go with what I got, and improvise) Some things might be a total change, just because . . . you don’t have to know the truth 😉



The days merged into one another. Night, morning, evening, another night. . . All the same. Mornings started either with someone yelling, either inside my head or from the Witchers warmup session outside. This day was no different.
As always we were blessed to not take part in their morning routine, so I used the morning well for a shower, get  dressed, fight my way into my horrible boots and then attend a breakfast-meeting with the stripes. I can’t even begin to memorize what we decided for that day. Probably the same as the day before, pay attention to what happens during the negotiations and take action from there. Temeria has to win! Apparently. Then there was this thing with Meinard still ongoing, and the prince that must not die during our stay, and everything else that might or might not accidentally happen.

The weather was decent, so I took my teacup with me outside only to be greeted by a fellow Spirit with a cheeky smile on his lips. I nodded as I passed him with a smile –  after his comment about something about ”It’s rude to leave a man locked outside his sleeping chambers in chains. . .”
I did not turn to see who else might have reacted to that comment. My attention was drawn elsewhere – Throwing daggers on a wooden totem. That sounded exactly like something I could waste a few hours on, and I did.
Together with the stripes, led by Commander Hatzel we let our fingers bleed a little while stabbing that damn thing. Some brave witchers joined in at one time too, maybe they learned that the Stripes can be kind and welcoming if you give them a chance. All depends whom you ask of course.
I think we spend a fair amount of time over there, on the grass murdering what used to be a tree once. After some rounds of that, knife games and staring at people while doing nothing, I got tired and took a nap on a nearby bench. And that’s when some real things started to happen.

The same servant that delivered letters last day came jogging down the stairs, right towards me. I did not blink at first, but when it could not been mistaken that his business was with me, I sat up.
”You are Ghost? Yes? This is for you. Bye”
I blinked and looked at the pale brown-ish letter, considering the state it was in it must have been on the road for quite some time. I looked up, wanting to ask about it, but the servant was long gone.

My heart jumped over some beats the second I opened it, my eyes immediately caught the signature. A ‘G’, made with an elegant hand, beautifully decorated, impossible to be mistaken.
Quickly, but without drawing any attention I closed it. Not before I was sure there was no one watching over my shoulder I opened and read it, over and over again. My facial color must have changed several times during the first few sentences.
I held my breath for a while, as if that would clear my mind.
Did I really make an impression on him, so much that he was bothered with writing this letter to. . .  me. . . or is this just one more trick in his world of games?
But the things he wrote though, his observations about me – they were right! Finally one damned person in a long time who did not judge me for the one I am.
And I cannot lie about the fact that I am fascinated by this mage. He is cunning, powerful, smart, and a little twisted. Such a man you do not wan’t as your enemy. He obviously have a lot of enemies at this place, both within the stripes and especially the witchers. . . but I don’t wan’t to be his enemy. I am my own person, and I have the right to my own opinions, even about him.

I blinked and turned around on the bench. The stripes and the Commander where still throwing knives.
In my head there were just one single thought spinning. ”He must never see this. The Commander must never know.”
A second thought lead me to consider burning the letter, just to be safe, but I shook it away. I will never let any letter get stolen from me again! This piece of paper will never leave my body. Not before I’ve spoken with him. Of that I was sure.
There were things mentioned with black ink on brown paper that had no room for misunderstandings, though what was written were rather obvious.

Another treacherous thought crossed my mind: What if . . . we could work something out together? I mean. . . my future is rather uncertain anyways, and a stripe-life is not a long one. At least not for someone like me. I am not a soldier, who am I kidding? I kill people in the dark, alone, all by my self. Not charging at them at sight, fighting in formations with swords and shields.
I am not a diplomat either. I can read and write, and that’s about it. I were never promoted to do the jobs where one needed to be verbally strong back in Novigrad, and I am not the one within the Blue Stripes either. Well, apart from one certain mission about Meinard together with Crane. That was interesting enough.
Other then that – I am just a foot-soldier, one that is paying for her crimes. For a year. . . though rumors has reached me that they will never let me go after a year. Just look at what happened to Durdin. But, time will tell, I guess.
Temeria can protect me to a certain level, but not from all sources.  . . I mean, a mage is one pretty damn powerful ally?
And no-one needs to know. My friends are my own, right?

Quickly I closed the letter and put it safely back in my pouch. I leaned back on the bench and closed my eyes. I was confident that I will write him back, and suggest a meeting, or something. I felt we had things to discuss.

For now, I’ll just carry on as normal. Do my duties as any good stripeling would do.
My secrets are my own, and all in all – I had not done anything wrong, so. . . no problem.

 

Witcher School journey. March 2020!

Hey!

I’m back.
(Back at WitcherSchool for the 8th time! I had to count two times to be sure myself. Going to Poland for the 8th time for Witcher School! it IS that good, I promise!) 

Things are happening, and we just got our community facebook group invitation for the newest event, that will be in March 2020!
For season 3, episode 5.

And the e-mail. Welcome to Witcher School.
The best one ever. Fill out some forms and stuff about your character and what it’s have been doing since last time. Who you wan’t to play with and what do you hope for, and all that 🙂
Guess where my weekend went?

For one weird reason – Time passes quickly. . . Like, time never pass quickly!
But now it’s only . . . ”checking app” : 107 days left. . . Ok, let’s just forget that 100’number shall we . . .

Either way. One day at the time will get there. And before all that, at least a lot of cool things are happening :
1) Christmas and New Years Eve.
2) Big Reenactment event in Norway
3) S A B A T O N concert in February!
4) Poof March and Witcher School 🙂

As always – I am ready. I’m not going to go crazy on costumes this year. Will take what I had last time, maybe witch something with what I already got, just to look a little bit different, but not aiming for any big shopping this time.
I got a new scarf, only thing 🙂

Has the right color! 🙂

Ah, no, yes – Can’t wait for another event. And I just love these sneaky new posts from the org. team that makes the waiting doable.
Occasionally it pops up new pictures when we thought there were no more. Best surprise! 😀

Like these :

My Blue Stripe team.
Man, could not ask for better comrades <3

Judging people/Witchers :3


Mary not knowing when to shut up. . .  on pictures. . .
In game I actually was speaking the truth, but no one believed me xD Ha ha, stupid elves.

Photoes: Maciej Margielski

So.
If this is the first time you click on my blog :  Welcome.
I write a lot about my hype for Witcher School. . . Sometimes I write about other things, too 🙂

Before and now, character design (art) – Saither –

Yesterday I was looking around in old papers, not looking for drawings, but that’s what I found. Really old drawings.

And then I came over a bunch that I saved. (Because I was so happy with them at the time) Ha ha. Mostly the first drawings of characters in what lead to a whole book (3)
This mission I started vaguely in 2011 as a therapy or an escape-route to a fictional world.
It really did me good, I should mention. It’s not perfect or anything, but I learned a lot about writing, as I had no clue what I was doing. Friends where encouraging me all the way. Both to keep on drawing and make a text and a story to the characters I made up. Then this happened :
–> Link to (some of) my stories <–

 

Allright, back to the topic.
I found old drawings, and today I will highlight one.
He is from my first book project, (Den forviste alveprinsen. // The bannished Elven Prince. . . so original, haha) to big for any publishers to publish, and probably far from good enough to get on the market, but maybe good enough for people who aren’t picky and just want to read about fucked up elves with daddy issues.

This is the very first version of Saither, also better known as Sai. (My favorite character of everyone that I made)
He has his own album on facebook with more drawings of his looks/design, if you wanna have a peak – Click HERE

This one was made in 2012, or 2013.
My very first idea of him was that he was a pirate, and not as evil as the one I ended up with creating. I think this original Saither is more like his brother, Thryg.
This 2012 version of him ended up as his kind a fucked up friend. (Which also is Thryg)

2012 Saither was dark haired, not blond as he is now. He was a half-elf, as he still is to this day. He was nicer, but still quite crazy. Saither has from day one been a drug addict, but it never came to life before he became the modern Saither. It was my idea all the time that his major flaw was drugs. Thyg is also on that path, but he is more into alcohol.
To be honest, I don’t remember much more what the original him was like. I just think he slowly emerged into Thryg, who is a equal crazy, but have some emotions and a little bit empathy for others (not much). He is hard to get to know, and for good reasons, but once you get under his skin. . . you might have the best friend you can ask for – just not in the way you might think. Neither of them are unfamiliar with the art of killing. To them it’s just as normal as a flask of beer in a tavern.

I don’t really have any good drawings of him, because everytime I try he just don’t look like the man I see behind my eyes.
But this one is the closest. With some bonus (light dressed) characters :

Lower left:  King Geldorth (Main Character’s father) , Lither (Main Character), Ley (Main Character’s broody, elder brother)
Second row from left: Jack, human doctor/merchant.  Saither (weird drawing of him) and our man Thryg, Saithers elder brother.

If you should range these people from rich to poor it would be like :
1: King Geldorth. he’s a king of a God damned elven lands, ofc. he has goods and in plenty.
2: Ley, but he don’t care about it at all.
3: One should think Lither is next, but he is rather not. . . for the majority of the story.
So nr 3 is Thryg. He also has his own land…. sort of. And his shady business.
4: Saither. Equal rich to Thryg, as they share mostly everything.
5: Lither. He kept some coins from his mainland. Good for travelling.
6: Jack. He has enough to survive, but he is a man of charity and gives everything he owns to the poor and needy, and rather choose to live poorly if that can save another life. He is probably the only pure good person in all of my stories 😉

 

Anyways.
Here is the most recent drawing of the modern Saither.
Have not drawn him since 2018! So it seems I should pick him up again soon (hue hue)


Saither is adorable in his looks, normally. As an half-elf he is blessed with that. Go him.
To bad for the ladies that don’t know his true self though.
He have never had a proper relationship, and he never will. He uses everyone without blinking. He is selfish AF, and don’t care about anyone more than himself.
In his defense he had a pretty harsh childhood, but when his brother is his closest medical doctor/help, you can only guess where that goes.
Saither is a psychopath and sociopath with depression, anger issues and probably every other mental disorder you can name. He is a lost case. Buuut he is pretty 😉
He is a soldier, he can fight and are good at it. Also, he don’t approve of Lither very much, and they end up fighting ever so often, vocally and verbally. Then again, Saither fights everyone. It’s what he does for fun.
Thryg tries his best to keep him at bay, but he struggles.
Saither is know to be physically very similar to Lither – to their both’s biggest frustration-

Even so. I always liked the villains (though he is not the stories main-villain), so I love Saither most of all of my fictional men 😉
It’s something weird about giving a character so many burdens and see what happens. . . . that sounded way more psychopathic than I meant. Ha ha.

Anyways. That’s for now.
Let me know if you want a similar story of any other character of mine, with old vs/new drawings. If I have.

 

 

Social media, too much?

I had a thought running around my head all day, and now I just have to talk about it.

First thing first: I am a social media junkie, and I am not going to excuse or defend my use of it. I enjoy it a lot, and I don’t care much what any generation or person had to say or think of what or how much I share on facebook/blog/Twitter/Instagram, or wherever I might fancy share things.
You can be as private or as open as YOU find comfortable for you. The same can I. It’s no one else’s business than your own what to share on your wall. (Unless it’s a danger to yourself or others, dangerous propaganda or anything in that area*. Use common sense, don’t break the rules and all that.)

You must gladly disagree with my viewpoints, political standpoints, lifestyle and all that. That’s ok. I know people love a good discussion, especially over internet. I don’t, but sometimes I don’t know my own best and take a big step in the fire – because compassion for certain topics gets me very emotional and personal. It happens from time to time, and it’s my own fault. But most of the time, no harm done. We argue a little, and then it’s ok, and we are friends again after. 🙂

But that was not my point today.
As I said. I have been thinking.

Why? Why do I always find myself spending probably some hours. each day scrolling over facebook, posting a ton of updates few people give a damn about? Why is it so important to me to have this need of ‘knowing’ unimportant things about people I barely know?
Heh. Strange world we live in. The internet own us, and we can’t deny it.

I have a few theories of my own, none been confirmed by any doctors. . . yet, but maybe I should have a speak with one. Or maybe not. Maybe I should just accept the thought that this is me, and I’m ok like this. (Because I am)


Theory nr 1

FOMO : Fear of missing out, or FOMO, is “a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent”. This social anxiety is characterized by “a desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing”.FOMO is also defined as a fear of regret, which may lead to a compulsive concern that one might miss an opportunity for social interaction, a novel experience, a profitable investment, or other satisfying events. In other words, FOMO perpetuates the fear of having made the wrong decision on how to spend time since one “can imagine how things could be different”.
Yup. I have spoken with my doc. about FOMO, and if there is anything of these coming theories that is close to truth, it must be this one. Reading the article about it – there is a lot of things I have to nod to. I have a fear of missing out things, event, fun. I can get really sad seeing/hearing friends have fun/doing things and I could not been there for some reasons. It’s not that I don’t want them the happiness, because I am happy for them too, but the sadness of not being able to be there is greater. Though I try to hide it, a little bit.
This FOMO is bigger the closer I am to the people, or the event, or something like that.
Ect: Witcher School LARP . If I miss an event for some reason. . . It would be horrible! I can’t even describe it. Already now I am fearing ”not” getting a ticket to ses.4 Autum 2020. . .  Just to mention one thing. It’s crazy.
Also if close friends arrange a party, and I cannot go/get sick/have to cancel – I am sad, and I prefer to not have to hear anything about it, until I ask for it.

A to crazy level of FOMO is dangerous if it can’t be controlled, I think. I hope and think, I gradually get better in handling this myself. So don’t come lecture me and say I am crazy and need to calm down. I am working on it every day. Imagine – That day what I am sitting home playing computer-games in stead of  talking with people, can be a keypoint in handling a FOMO. Do a thing to forget a thing.
I often cancel parties/visits these days. Does not mean FOMO isn’t there because I choose to not go. It is. I think of it all the time.
Should I go? Should I not go. Am I tired? Am I too tired? Can I go just a little?  But I really need to rest, but I really want to go. . .
All these thoughts . . . and I feel proud of myself finding that game, sit down, listen to music and do what my body needs to do – Relax. (And not checking facebook)
FOMO vs ME : 0 -1
And yes, I know that the more time spend on facebook, the stronger the FOMO gets.

Don’t know if that made any sense at all. Ha ha.

 

Theory nr2, why I am a social media junkie.
Confirmation.
I am terrified of not being liked. Truth. Always been like that. And it’s probably something I have to live with for the rest of my life (Thank’s, childhood bullies)
Anyways. It don’t bothers me in the daily life, it’s just how experience formed me. But being active on social media makes me visible, so I can be ‘social’. This can go both ways. People both like and dislike it (not my business). But I can control (sort of) what I say. I can stay positive and cheer people up, and most people like that. And when I see that people like things, I would like to do it more. Because making people happy is rewarding to me.
I like attention. I like being in the center of a conversation or a party. I like people listening to me, laughing of my (horrible) jokes, appreciate me – I shall not hide that. And in a world so technical as it’s become, the best way to reach out to people is by using it. I sound very vain when I am writing it, and I don’t know if I should be ashamed or proud, but. . .it’s who I am, I guess that’s all I can say. Sorry to the people who hates it, but the best advice I can give you is to just avoid me. Don’t get pissed about another person for being themselves If you don’t like it, don’t follow it. :p Never demand a person to change, because they don’t fit your likings. There are better ways to solve these things.
With all these things said: I also love to not be the center. Just to sit and observe, listening to stories, be a part of one or just watch people being comfortable and happy.

Theory nr 3: 
Fear of being forgotten.
Not sure if this is an actual fear, but it’s the best way to describe it. It’s totally stupid and lame, I know, but for some reason I keep wondering if people will forget me if I just stop social media for a time. Will I become a grey-boring mouse with no opinions if I stop posting useless things on facebook, or will it actually benefit me more if I stopped?
I fear of getting shy again, as this was a major issue for me in my teens. Silent = Unpopular and boring.
This was my reality for 9 years, so it’s kind of stuck, though I know this is not true. I know many silent (social media shy) people who are the coolest on earth!
But in my head I learned that if I wanna go somewhere – I can’t think about the things I want to do, or say – I must say and do it, preferably right away! (this is why it often comes like 5 facebook-updates in a row) In my world, something non-important can seem SO important there and then. He he. And then a few hours pass and I regret everything.

May or may not always be very smart. So don’t listen to me. I act on emotions, and I think that acting on logic and sense is more healthy in the long run.

Theory nr 4: 
Do I inspire someone or do I annoy someone?
I don’t know. I think I do both, depends on who you ask. And because of that I keep doing it, for the people who say they get inspired by it. And for the rest: Thanks there is a ”hide this post/person” button. Use it well 😉
We can’t please or satisfy everybody. That’s just how the world works. But it would make your life easier if you stopped getting offended by people, being people
(Note to self! Working on it.)

Also: I am an open F*** book. I share EVRYTHING. I have next to no filter. (Minus a few)
Why: Taboo is a shit thing that exist. And people don’t dare talking about difficult things just because of it. If more people open up, maybe some things stop being a taboo theme, and gets more normalized and accepted in the world, which will make life much more easier for many people. It’s important to show that we are not alone.
I understand that it’s private and that things are nothing everyone should know, and that’s fine. It’s always your call how to deal with it.
But we are also many who want’s to talk, but because of how reality and under-education on many topics works, it’s hard to step forward because we fear what reactions we can expect from people, family and friends.
(Especially important for me are the topics on: Mental health , but also on the topic of ”being childless”)

Another handy note: My instagram account is connected to facebook, so everything I share there goes directly to facebook as well, might explain double posts of everything (and all them #####)

Theory nr 5: 
Am I narcissistic for posting selfies (and daily smiles)? Or is it just me seeking a confirmation from the outer world to hear that I am good enough, again? Where is the border from a wish to hear that I look good today, and when is it just TOO much? It’s probably different from person to person. I for my part don’t mind seeing a tons of selfies on facebook from people. I think it’s nice if they made a pretty picture of them self and wanted to share it to their friends.
What’s wrong about feeling ok? Nothing. More people should do it, in my opinion. Give and get compliments! Everyone needs to do it more. For a better world and all that.

About narcissism. . .
This is something I actually get offended by when people draw the ”narcissistic” card. It’s quite rude when you read the description of it.
I can joke about it on myself from time to time, but I realize I should not. . . it’s not really that funny.

”Narcissism is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one’s idealised self image and attributes. This includes self-flattery, perfectionism, and arrogance. The term originated from Greek mythology, where the young Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water. Narcissism is a concept in psychoanalytic theory, which was popularly introduced in Sigmund Freud‘s essay On Narcissism (1914). The American Psychiatric Association has listed the classification narcissistic personality disorder in its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) since 1968, drawing on the historical concept of megalomania.

Narcissism is also considered a social or cultural problem. It is a factor in trait theory used in various self-report inventories of personality such as the Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory. It is one of the three dark triadic personality traits (the others being psychopathy and Machiavellianism). Except in the sense of primary narcissism or healthy self-love, narcissism is usually considered a problem in a person’s or group’s relationships with self and others.

Narcissism is not the same as egocentrism or egoism.”


OK. I think that was my own theories of why I bother you so much on facebook/other social media with my ‘everything’. Sorry about that, at least you got a maybe possible explanation on why.
I feel weird after writing this, but I don’t regret it. I put a word to it 🙂
Also : I am fine. With myself, and with my friends and family. I just wanna put words to my sudden thoughts that pops up every now and then.

So, have a great (happy thoughts) day! 🙂
Share a selfie!

Ghost story #14 Don’t steal from a thief.

WARNING:
Before you read, take notice that this is a story around my character on the Witcher School LARP, Season 3, episode 4.
SPOILER ALERT, because it can happen.

For people attending my run: You know this information, your character don’t. Unless she of course, told you, in-game.

It was a thing some people did on my first event. where people wrote down their whole story-line as a story. I got inspired with that and want to continue. A small hype in the everyday life 🙂

Take notice that English is not my mother language, so it’s full of mistakes. I hope it don’t bothers you too much.

 

The story might not be 100% canon, because I can’t remember anything in detail. Was it before/after dinner, this or that day? Was this said by this or that person? ( I don’t remember, I’ll just go with what I got, and improvise) Some things might be a total change, just because . . . you don’t have to know the truth 😉


 

I had to get my letter back.
Ross’s eyes met mine over the dinner table. It was time. Soon.
Long story short: I told the Commander that Durdin had stolen a private letter of mine, and I needed to get it back. In my hand I held his medallion that he accidentally ”lost” during our little chimney fight. I did not know what to do with it, though. I could give it to Grandmaster Astrid, telling her that they should make an example out of their adepts that just lose such an important piece of belonging. And I knew exactly who lost it.
I thought about it for a long time, I even approached her with the medallion in my hand. . . but something held me back. Everyone knew I was a thief. She would have blamed me for stealing it, or someone else would.
Commander Hatzel encouraged me to give it to either her or Durdins master, who was Master Jodok. I tried that first, but he was a weakling. I wanted to see Durdin punished for what he did to me, and if not loosing his medallion was a reason to get punished – as Grandmaster Astrid told me in details – I don’t know what is. 

I told Jodok. And what did he say in return: ” Yes, I know. So what. I already gave him a new one.”
And that was that. He don’t care.

So. I did not know what to do with it. I did not wan’t to walk abound with it either. I could sell it. The thought crossed my mind.

Either way, that was not important to me. The letter was. The letter he and his ‘friends’ threaten with making extra copies of – and that way share the fate and safety of myself and my family to everyone. I could not let that happen. I wanted to do this alone, (one pair of feets sneaks better than more) but to my surprise everyone seemed to be eager to support me, just in case anything unexpected should happen.
”Take one or two with you”, commander Hatzel said during supper. “Do what you need to do.” To my surprise, he never really asked much what was in this letter, and just let me get away with “it’s a private letter, to my parents.” It wasn’t even a lie.
So with Commander Hatzels blessing – off we went.
The moment of action happened right after supper, as I knew he would take his nightly tour to the forest to pray at the gravestone for his dead brother.
“What is  your exact plan?” Ross whispered.
“Follow, knock out and retrieve whats mine. Should be easy.” I looked up. It was dark and foggy outside. Perfect. “He will never see us come.”
“Better stay a few meters behind then,” Ross added. “You’ll do your thing, and I’ll watch your back.”
I nodded.
We passed the fountain and headed to the left. Durdin did not even once turn around. I still got it.
He kneeled down, slowly. Then bowed his head. I gave Ross the signal to stay a few meters behind until our theif was out.
Walking on my toes I felt I was back in Novigrad on any other mission. These months with the Blue Stripes had not changed everything. Somethings were still as easy as getting drunk. I got so close that I could almost hear him breathe, and that was when I gave his head one single, solid, and well placed blow with the backend of my dagger. He was no longer praying.

“I got him. Now, let’s get the letter and get the hell out of there before he wakes up.”
“How long will he be out?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. Half an hour maybe? Come let’s go. I got it.”

 

“Now?” The look of Commander Hatzels face did not need any questions.
“It’s done. I have it.”
He smiled, but it never reached his eyes,as always., but it was still a smile. “Good”

 

The evening went on, as every other evenings before. Talking, drinking, plotting, fucking, talk some more. At one point before the whole castle bid everyone up for dancing. 
A few gentlemen asked me up, but I had to decline. My feets were killing me. I could literally not stand up. So, Instead I had this calm and highly interesting conversation with another witcher, about killing people. . . . You know, finally one I could discuss the real important topics with! Things of importance. Like: How to get people to talk, how to kill effectively and silently, how to make things less bloody with the same outcome, how to get away with it. . . and so on.
While doing so, we had this beautiful view of watching a very drunk Jost dancing with Gedymin.

Commander Hatzel were worried about him, so he had asked the Stripes to always keep an eye on him. And he made sure to remind me again as he passed by our seats (full of weapons, dropped by the dancers)
”I don’t trust him in that company. Especially not now. This is bad, really bad.” He said that when the only thing that kept Jost on his feet, were just that: Gedymins hand.
I followed his gaze over the dancefloor. From my point of view the two of them were just like any other drunken men. Best friends with everyone. Tonight it was Gedymin. A viper witcher Master. 
I don’t know him. I’ve seen him walking around, doing his things, (whatever that is) smoking, talking to his adepts, and occasionally washing blood from his hands . . . but that’s just about it.

”Keep an eye on him.” Commander Hatzel pointed a finger at him, then pointed it towards me. “Don’t leave him out of your sight.”
“Yes, commander”, I replied.

“What was that about?” the other witcher sitting next to me asked.
“Huh? Oh. . . Well. Duty. Keeping the prince alive, it seems.”
“Boring.”
“Especially if nothing happens. Though . . .” I smiled.
“Would be a shame loosing our pretty prince already, eh? And truth as it is – The school would be in deep shit trouble if he should fall down dead right here and now.”
“Possibly”, the other guy nodded. He took a sip from his drink.
Gedymin’s voice called out once again: “Come, join us. Let’s dance.”
I shook my head and curled my toes in these horrible boots (still not better), and my witcher companion raised his shoulders only to lean backwards towards the wall.
“Say. . . how many people had you killed again?”

 

Witcher School Photoes – September 2019. Ses.3 ep4.

Pictures from ses. 3, episode 4 has slowly popped out.
A few from the game, and EVERYTHING from the photobooth.

I’ll show them here. Gosh, I am SO back there looking over these 🙂

My wonderful Blue Stripe team. A few of them is missing,included our leader, so we do whatever we want!

 


Blue Stripe team trying to look decent, and man we are stunning! Look at us!! Woawh!


Apples, Ghost(me) and Dice. We have a thing for nicknames this event 😉
Two of Ghosts closest friends. Totally not involving drugs or anything shady!

Good Spirits, and all Scandinavians (I totally forgot I did this picture) !Fantastic players, awesome people 😀

Magnificent! Just look how the Blue Stripe is doing her job – observing the crazy witchers!

 

Jepp. I could not stand on my feets, because the HURT (Damn boots)

Ah, beautiful group. Beautiful people. Beautiful game, and beautiful everything!

Pictures taken by :

I draw. Collage 2012-2019

My biggest and most satisfying hobby is drawing.
Especially half naked elves (for reasons).

I felt a need today to make a collage. More to myself than anything, to see that there is progress. Every year. Small progress is also progress.

I made one of my two main characters: The brothers  – Lither (Blond) and Ley (Dark)
One drawing for each of them, pr. year. They have changed a lot over the years it seems. But some things I try to keep.
Lither’s short hair. (He grows it out when he gets much older) And his scar. This has changed from a small (stupid looking scar, to a more intimidating realistic-looking one)
Ley is ALWAYS broody and grumpy on the outside. So to see him smile is so rare that I don’t know how to draw that smile. It just looks weird when I do.

I got my first drawing pad in 2012. It was one of the basic versions from Wacom, which is really good for new beginners I would say.
Mine was not the cheapest, nor the most expensive ones. I think I payed 150EUR (1500NOKS) for it, and I used it well!

And, well. I had no clue what I was doing, but I was determined that I would love to be as good as my friends, so I made a promise to myself that I would try to draw something everyday from now on. Because the only way to learn/improve and get better – is to practice. A lot.
It was very painful in the beginning, as my inspiration friends just got better and better, I was stuck. Or at least I felt like I was stuck.

The years pass on. I try new techniques and different styles in a search for MY style.When I find my style I can start focusing on that one and make it as good as I dream of. But finding a style takes time. I also started experiment with reference pictures. What a change to my life. . . wow. . . haha. I have never gone back, since. Maybe I kicked myself in the back, because I made myself addicted to something, and then it can be hard to go back and make something without a reference. . . buuut. I don’t care. I like working this way.

 

More experimenting. 2017 is a funny year in my life. A lot of thing went wrong, and I ended up in depression. . . aaaand maybe my feelings got into my drawings. Either way, it helped me through hard days.
Found out that tracing is  fun too, and start there and then turn them into my elves, or whatever I am suppose to draw. Use it more when I am making portraits or take commissions.

But I should do freehand once in a while more often, just to remind me that I don’t need to forget it. The expressions of the character gets a different change when I do it like that.
Lither under here is not by tracing ect.
The Ley’s are 🙂

 

So. That’s that, for now.
Drop a comment and let me know what you think 🙂

 

Happy drawing!

Ghost Story #13 – Work.Work. Work

WARNING:
Before you read, take notice that this is a story around my character on the Witcher School LARP, Season 3, episode 4.
SPOILER ALERT, because it can happen.

For people attending my run: You know this information, your character don’t. Unless she of course, told you, in-game.

It was a thing some people did on my first event. where people wrote down their whole story-line as a story. I got inspired with that and want to continue. A small hype in the everyday life 🙂

Take notice that English is not my mother language, so it’s full of mistakes. I hope it don’t bothers you too much.

 

The story might not be 100% canon, because I can’t remember anything in detail. Was it before/after dinner, this or that day? Was this said by this or that person? ( I don’t remember, I’ll just go with what I got, and improvise) Some things might be a total change, just because . . . you don’t have to know the truth 😉

 


I woke up before the famous horn called us in for food. I was deadly tired as usual as my blood were still filled with delicious wine, but there was this vague satisfying feeling which flowed through my body at the sight of the witcher adepts doing their morning warm-up, running around the fountain and hugging the gravel from time to time. All at Griffins command.
In the company of the Temerian Blue Stripes we had no such thing. Not now, at least. We had other things to attend to, like breakfast. And as far as the hospitality goes – we skipped the lines every meal. What we get away with, when it comes to : ‘private Blue Stripe meeting needs to be discussed alone’. An empty food-hall is as good as it gets.

So, me with my painful feets found a plate, filled it up and sat down at the end of the table next to Commander Hatzel and Black. Ross looked at me with something I assumed to be a ‘you look tired look.’ I nodded, even though he did not ask. I wanted to tell them that Durdin stole my letter, but I was not sure if commander Hatzel needed to know about it. What if he asked what kind of a letter this is, and to whom? I had to lie to him, and to the whole Blue Stripe table.
I decided to wait, though my whole person ached to get it out. There is a witcher thief out there with MY letter.
Kora and Ross were the two I sort of trusted more than the others. I would tell them first, and take it from there.

As we sat there, eating, talking about the plan for the day a messenger came towards me, with a letter. I dropped everything I had in my hands and stopped chewing. Someone thought about me with a letter! I immediately opened it and started reading. My eyes were glowing and I think I spoke out loud for everyone to hear: ”It’s from Delvin! One of the Spirits” I smiled through the whole letter and read it once again before I stored it in my pouch. What a pleasant surprise, at least to know that he was well and very much breathing. I kept wondering if the other Spirits got a letter too.

The very next thing on the agenda was WHO will attend the negotiation team. This was critical and extremely important. Only the best of the best in the topics of talking should do this. I knew from the beginning that this task is NOT something I should take part in. What a joke that would have been. Me at THAT table. I think I can see myself slowly dying of boredom.
Luckily the commander agreed, he did not look at me twice on that matter. The others got a chance to convince the commander why they were the right choice.
It stood between: Crane, Curly, Sparkles and Kora, I think. And only two apart from the commander and the Prince could attend.
Kora was one obvious choice, so her space was already saved. And at the end Sparkles got the chance to prove himself, as also one of our newest recruits. Hatzel was very skeptic, but after a good long think, he agreed on this as his chance to show what he could do. Earn some skill and respect.
Not a small task asking me.
So Kora and Sparkles were the two chosen ones to convince the members around the negocation table that Temeria is the one and only choice for this Witcher castle.

Today was the day me and Curly were assigned to attend the diplomacy lesson. It should happen sometime during the first part of the day. Kora had this hope it would teach me something, and I had the hope that the class could bring back some valuable information for Commander Hatzel.
And after a short visit to the noticeboard I learned it was the first class of the day. So, off I went.

The class was held by this Kovirian diplomat, who were our target. Find out as much as possible. It was clear from the first moment that this man was educated in his topic. He WAS the definition of diplomacy. You could see it in the way he stood, walked, talked and breathed. Even the way he looked at you could freeze the blood in your veins if that was his wish. My mind drifted away elsewhere while he was talking about the best ways to capture a castle under siege, or how to get your will while at the same time make your opponent believe he won.
-His clothing- black and gold from top to toe. Oh, this man was rich.
Well, in short, the class was interesting enough. We were divided into two groups for a test. One group will be the owner of a castle that is under siege from the other group.  The task was to negotiate our way out of it. The group I ended up in had the castle, and we should come up with a plan to get as much out of it as possible. We did not want the people to get hurt, or give up the castle, or our riches.
The other group had the goal of capture our castle.
We were a pretty decent and smart group, so we came up with a good plan, and ended up with leaving the castle with our people, soldiers, riches. And we asked for 5 days to do so. (Plenty of time to empty the city, poison the water, take away everything of value and so on.)
And according to the Kovir teacher. . . we won that negotiation quest.
Curly also got a chance to buy a slave cheap. I must say he had some hillarious moves. I mean, nose-hair is not worth paying extra for, right?
He did not get the slave, though. The saleswoman were hard to break.
At least, we left the class learning how to defend a castle and how to buy people. I’m not sure Commander Hatzel would trust me to any of those tasks in the future.

After that was done we went outside, trying to find the others for an update. Before I got to them a tall, extremely humble and polite man stopped me, bowed and asked if I was a blue Stripe. I confirmed. He thanked me, and then asked me if I knew a man that fought in a war. . . somewhere. It was his father and he would much like to know more about him, if he was alive, if I knew him or where he was now. He could not asked a worse person. I had never heard about the place he served, but I did an effort to guide him to someone who might know. I started by hooking up the closest stripes around me, but they did not know. Eventually he found Hatzel, and if there were anyone who knew it had to be him. I did not stay to find out, my attention were drawn to something else that could not wait.  I can’t remember what that was, though. Oh, yes. The elves!

A bunch of them gathered around the fountain, demanding answers for what happened to Arienne. The elf rune Master who died after going through the Trail of Grasses, who turned into a human, and died in the arms of a heartbroken Leut. Leo. I was there. I saw it all.
The angry elves talked with Griffin and one other half-elf adept or something. They did their best to calm them, but have you ever tried calm down war-hungry elves? Not me either. . . well until now. More Blue Stripes and curious adepts and even the grand Master came to join the circle. Hatzel encouraged me to step forward and tell them the actual truth. For once. As a witness, I should.
I was there, I saw it all. I could give them all the juicy details if they wanted to listen, or more likely – if they wanted to believe it.
They did not. Constantly they told me I was lying. I can’t judge them for that, but this time I was not. A part of me wanted Leo to be there, he would have done a better job making them see. But he was not there. I was.
Griffin backed me up. We both were there. She held the dying body of Arienne, I took care of Leo. What more could we do. There was of course a thing or two about the elven necklaces too that Leo had, maybe it was cursed, but Leos life would have been done for if we did not remove it from his body.
Anyways, if they believed us or not, the elves did not cause anymore trouble at that moment. They left us and went back to the forest. . . for now.
For my part, my job was done. If I did anything at all. Commander Hatzel did not seem to mind them too much, so neither would I.

Time passed on with games, drugs, more games, some working, more talking with Meinard, more evil stares at Meinard, more talking with people, more information being shared, more hunt for more information, and all that.
Met up with the Spirits at one occasion or two as well. Which was nice. They told me that I was their honorable Spirit member now, and I should join them for drinks later. Who am I to say no to that?

Much later we learned that the commander did his recruiting well. Later that evening he told us that we have a good potential new man in our ranks, all because he felt the need to follow his brave father’s footsteps. (Yes, he died in the war, I think) And he can’t die in vain! The son will avenge his death and make his family proud.
And he was very welcome into our ranks. It actually surprised me how good I felt when he was given the Temerian emblem as he went through the short, but formal ”repeat after me” speech from Commander Hatzel. Of course it all ends with a threat that you do NOT betray the crown or Temeria without consequences, or most likely face the pentalty of death.
Our newest recruit bowed and said: ”Of course, not”.
I looked at the new man, whom we quickly nicknamed Tiny, and then I looked at the others – we all thought the same. He is WAY to polite for us. How is it possible to be so polite! He will definitely do good in talking missions.

 

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