I had a thought running around my head all day, and now I just have to talk about it.
First thing first: I am a social media junkie, and I am not going to excuse or defend my use of it. I enjoy it a lot, and I don’t care much what any generation or person had to say or think of what or how much I share on facebook/blog/Twitter/Instagram, or wherever I might fancy share things.
You can be as private or as open as YOU find comfortable for you. The same can I. It’s no one else’s business than your own what to share on your wall. (Unless it’s a danger to yourself or others, dangerous propaganda or anything in that area*. Use common sense, don’t break the rules and all that.)
You must gladly disagree with my viewpoints, political standpoints, lifestyle and all that. That’s ok. I know people love a good discussion, especially over internet. I don’t, but sometimes I don’t know my own best and take a big step in the fire – because compassion for certain topics gets me very emotional and personal. It happens from time to time, and it’s my own fault. But most of the time, no harm done. We argue a little, and then it’s ok, and we are friends again after. 🙂
But that was not my point today.
As I said. I have been thinking.
Why? Why do I always find myself spending probably some hours. each day scrolling over facebook, posting a ton of updates few people give a damn about? Why is it so important to me to have this need of ‘knowing’ unimportant things about people I barely know?
Heh. Strange world we live in. The internet own us, and we can’t deny it.
I have a few theories of my own, none been confirmed by any doctors. . . yet, but maybe I should have a speak with one. Or maybe not. Maybe I should just accept the thought that this is me, and I’m ok like this. (Because I am)
Theory nr 1
FOMO : Fear of missing out, or FOMO, is “a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent”. This social anxiety is characterized by “a desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing”.FOMO is also defined as a fear of regret, which may lead to a compulsive concern that one might miss an opportunity for social interaction, a novel experience, a profitable investment, or other satisfying events. In other words, FOMO perpetuates the fear of having made the wrong decision on how to spend time since one “can imagine how things could be different”.
Yup. I have spoken with my doc. about FOMO, and if there is anything of these coming theories that is close to truth, it must be this one. Reading the article about it – there is a lot of things I have to nod to. I have a fear of missing out things, event, fun. I can get really sad seeing/hearing friends have fun/doing things and I could not been there for some reasons. It’s not that I don’t want them the happiness, because I am happy for them too, but the sadness of not being able to be there is greater. Though I try to hide it, a little bit.
This FOMO is bigger the closer I am to the people, or the event, or something like that.
Ect: Witcher School LARP . If I miss an event for some reason. . . It would be horrible! I can’t even describe it. Already now I am fearing ”not” getting a ticket to ses.4 Autum 2020. . . Just to mention one thing. It’s crazy.
Also if close friends arrange a party, and I cannot go/get sick/have to cancel – I am sad, and I prefer to not have to hear anything about it, until I ask for it.
A to crazy level of FOMO is dangerous if it can’t be controlled, I think. I hope and think, I gradually get better in handling this myself. So don’t come lecture me and say I am crazy and need to calm down. I am working on it every day. Imagine – That day what I am sitting home playing computer-games in stead of talking with people, can be a keypoint in handling a FOMO. Do a thing to forget a thing.
I often cancel parties/visits these days. Does not mean FOMO isn’t there because I choose to not go. It is. I think of it all the time.
Should I go? Should I not go. Am I tired? Am I too tired? Can I go just a little? But I really need to rest, but I really want to go. . .
All these thoughts . . . and I feel proud of myself finding that game, sit down, listen to music and do what my body needs to do – Relax. (And not checking facebook)
FOMO vs ME : 0 -1
And yes, I know that the more time spend on facebook, the stronger the FOMO gets.
Don’t know if that made any sense at all. Ha ha.
Theory nr2, why I am a social media junkie.
I am terrified of not being liked. Truth. Always been like that. And it’s probably something I have to live with for the rest of my life (Thank’s, childhood bullies)
Anyways. It don’t bothers me in the daily life, it’s just how experience formed me. But being active on social media makes me visible, so I can be ‘social’. This can go both ways. People both like and dislike it (not my business). But I can control (sort of) what I say. I can stay positive and cheer people up, and most people like that. And when I see that people like things, I would like to do it more. Because making people happy is rewarding to me.
I like attention. I like being in the center of a conversation or a party. I like people listening to me, laughing of my (horrible) jokes, appreciate me – I shall not hide that. And in a world so technical as it’s become, the best way to reach out to people is by using it. I sound very vain when I am writing it, and I don’t know if I should be ashamed or proud, but. . .it’s who I am, I guess that’s all I can say. Sorry to the people who hates it, but the best advice I can give you is to just avoid me. Don’t get pissed about another person for being themselves If you don’t like it, don’t follow it. :p Never demand a person to change, because they don’t fit your likings. There are better ways to solve these things.
With all these things said: I also love to not be the center. Just to sit and observe, listening to stories, be a part of one or just watch people being comfortable and happy.
Theory nr 3:
Fear of being forgotten.
Not sure if this is an actual fear, but it’s the best way to describe it. It’s totally stupid and lame, I know, but for some reason I keep wondering if people will forget me if I just stop social media for a time. Will I become a grey-boring mouse with no opinions if I stop posting useless things on facebook, or will it actually benefit me more if I stopped?
I fear of getting shy again, as this was a major issue for me in my teens. Silent = Unpopular and boring.
This was my reality for 9 years, so it’s kind of stuck, though I know this is not true. I know many silent (social media shy) people who are the coolest on earth!
But in my head I learned that if I wanna go somewhere – I can’t think about the things I want to do, or say – I must say and do it, preferably right away! (this is why it often comes like 5 facebook-updates in a row) In my world, something non-important can seem SO important there and then. He he. And then a few hours pass and I regret everything.
May or may not always be very smart. So don’t listen to me. I act on emotions, and I think that acting on logic and sense is more healthy in the long run.
Theory nr 4:
Do I inspire someone or do I annoy someone?
I don’t know. I think I do both, depends on who you ask. And because of that I keep doing it, for the people who say they get inspired by it. And for the rest: Thanks there is a ”hide this post/person” button. Use it well 😉
We can’t please or satisfy everybody. That’s just how the world works. But it would make your life easier if you stopped getting offended by people, being people
(Note to self! Working on it.)
Also: I am an open F*** book. I share EVRYTHING. I have next to no filter. (Minus a few)
Why: Taboo is a shit thing that exist. And people don’t dare talking about difficult things just because of it. If more people open up, maybe some things stop being a taboo theme, and gets more normalized and accepted in the world, which will make life much more easier for many people. It’s important to show that we are not alone.
I understand that it’s private and that things are nothing everyone should know, and that’s fine. It’s always your call how to deal with it.
But we are also many who want’s to talk, but because of how reality and under-education on many topics works, it’s hard to step forward because we fear what reactions we can expect from people, family and friends.
(Especially important for me are the topics on: Mental health , but also on the topic of ”being childless”)
Another handy note: My instagram account is connected to facebook, so everything I share there goes directly to facebook as well, might explain double posts of everything (and all them #####)
Theory nr 5:
Am I narcissistic for posting selfies (and daily smiles)? Or is it just me seeking a confirmation from the outer world to hear that I am good enough, again? Where is the border from a wish to hear that I look good today, and when is it just TOO much? It’s probably different from person to person. I for my part don’t mind seeing a tons of selfies on facebook from people. I think it’s nice if they made a pretty picture of them self and wanted to share it to their friends.
What’s wrong about feeling ok? Nothing. More people should do it, in my opinion. Give and get compliments! Everyone needs to do it more. For a better world and all that.
About narcissism. . .
This is something I actually get offended by when people draw the ”narcissistic” card. It’s quite rude when you read the description of it.
I can joke about it on myself from time to time, but I realize I should not. . . it’s not really that funny.
”Narcissism is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one’s idealised self image and attributes. This includes self-flattery, perfectionism, and arrogance. The term originated from Greek mythology, where the young Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water. Narcissism is a concept in psychoanalytic theory, which was popularly introduced in Sigmund Freud‘s essay On Narcissism (1914). The American Psychiatric Association has listed the classification narcissistic personality disorder in its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) since 1968, drawing on the historical concept of megalomania.
Narcissism is also considered a social or cultural problem. It is a factor in trait theory used in various self-report inventories of personality such as the Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory. It is one of the three dark triadic personality traits (the others being psychopathy and Machiavellianism). Except in the sense of primary narcissism or healthy self-love, narcissism is usually considered a problem in a person’s or group’s relationships with self and others.
Narcissism is not the same as egocentrism or egoism.”
OK. I think that was my own theories of why I bother you so much on facebook/other social media with my ‘everything’. Sorry about that, at least you got a maybe possible explanation on why.
I feel weird after writing this, but I don’t regret it. I put a word to it 🙂
Also : I am fine. With myself, and with my friends and family. I just wanna put words to my sudden thoughts that pops up every now and then.
So, have a great (happy thoughts) day! 🙂
Share a selfie!