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Drawing, Band of brothers fanart

Drawing, Band of brothers fanart.

Think before I speak?

I read an article : How to think before speaking.
Mostly, because this is my greatest flaw, and it would be nice to just avoid this at times. Though, most of the time I get away with laughing it away, because it happens when I caught myself saying something I should not said, or a word came out wrong. Then it is the times when you don't realize what you said before it's to late, or even days later. Those moments cause unease and stress, because what if I hurt them, or made a joke out of my self and now that is the only thing the remember me by. 

Back to the article.
They have some good points : Observe the conversation. Now that you know you?re in one of "those" situations, the goal is for you to process information. Often when we respond in a less than appropriate way, it?s because we didn?t fully comprehend what was being said. This is the time to sit back and listen to what?s going on around you. Don?t start focusing on what you?re going to say; just absorb. Your mind will process this information in the background.

Observing is something I should work on. Just listen, process, then talk if I have something to say. 
I guess there is this scary little voice in my head keep reminding me of childhood traumas like : ''If you are silent, and don't talk. You are shy. And shy people are boring. You are boring.'' 
Perhaps that's why I often just rush into conversations, just to be seen and heard, just to show that I am not shy? God knows.

Another point the article have is body language. I think I have this a lot when I speak. I kind of need it to avoid misunderstandings just because of the facts that I am not that good at expressing myself with words.

''Observe the people: Who is speaking and how do they communicate? Some people are very literal and some people use examples. Some people use a lot of facial expression and body language to augment their conversation, whereas others rely on complex verbiage. How people convey information is a very good indicator of how they best absorb information.''

This is also why I don't like discussing anything over social networks and such. I might sound angry and bitchy while I am the opposite. And this is also why I use way to many emojios when I write things in chats and on facebook walls. It probably annoys everyone as much as it annoys me. I don't really like my poor ways of expressing myself so ''childish''. I should learn to write properly. 

For some words comes easy. For me - no. I speak with the heart, on both good and bad sides. I am not always logic, but I am more emotional, I think. And that's probably where the weird words comes from. Suddenly out of nowhere, and it surprise people, because it is not expected, it's to direct or it don't fit in the conversation or setting. He he. My mind sometimes just shuts off, and suddenly I can burst out with something totally out of context. 
Example: - Interrupt a conversation to compliment someones clothing, hairstyle or just to tell them something I need them to know, do, answer a question or anything.  (Because I need to before I forget. I forget things easily)
                - Interrupt to tell about myself. . . this is SO wrong, I should stop doing this - who cares anyway? 
                - Interrupt in general. This is apparently a thing in my blood (citizens in my town are kind of known for talking loud and interrupt conversations. . .) 
                 

But I can also be very silent and don't say anything at all. It can be one of four reasons.
1: I am sick /depressed and full so of thoughts that I can't focus on anything else. 
2: I am just tired. Like, normal tried, lack of sleep-tired. 
3: I am hungry!! Feed the beast!
4: I don't really know you/unsure about you/ need to OBSERVE first. Hey, I can think - sometimes.

 

 

Sometimes I wonder why people are not tired of me, yet. Or maybe they are o.0 
And why am I starting to be paranoid. . ?

                  

Witcher school - I have a problem - LARP

Ay! 

Thinking might lead to confusion, and it did. 

My run on Witcher School is ''soon'' coming to an end. It's just one episode left (Panic!) It's both good and bad.
Good - because I want to know how it ends.
Bad - I don't want it to end.
Good - All stories need and ending.
Bad - Not this one. 

Well. And so on. But, this is not the problem. The issue is what should I do after, while waiting for a new-new event to start. I wanna join from the very beginning next time.

Here is the options I've been thinking about: 

1: Obvious, jump on the other international event that still is growing strong. Just until the new event starts. Then that will get my full priority. The only problem is that I don't know how far in the storyline they are, or if I ever have a chance to complete it, since I can't do 2 unique events pr year (4 episodes a year) 
But this choice means I can't do more BattleQuests.  o.0


It is final, just two events a year. Two weeks. BOOM. Cannot be changed.

2: Continue with one battlequest a year, until the new-new, event starts. But one event a year seems to little.
I could do one BQ and one WS, but that seems like a betrayal to Witcher School. Ha ha. Though it is the same people creating it. 

3: Do nothing, and wait for the new event to start. . . . . . No. . . just No. . .  not an option no matter the fuck what. . . What if there is no new event ?! :o 

I really hope the dates for the new-new event pops up in a decent time before it's happening, so I can plot an option to kill off my character in-game (If I started a new one) or something (That would be cool) since I can't continue on it.
But I don't know. We'll just have to wait and see. 
I can panic more later on ;) 

For now. I have a finger on #1 
Starting over new year. Jump on the first available event, and take it from there :) Then I'd be able to play with new people as well.
Gonna be cool! 


 

Witcher school - Flashback - LARP

It's not yet 09:00 in the morning, but my thoughts still brings me back. This time it's my very first event, almost 2 years ago now. 
Holy crap time pass by quickly these days. Not sure if I like it or not.

It's not a major thing, but it is a nice memory to me since it's one of the first, clear signs to me on what an amazing community this is. 

It was before the game started. And we were all waiting in the courtyard for the game to start. It was at Zamek Moszna, and it was September. 
It must have been sometimes in the later evening because it was getting dark. (Speaking of which, I missed the dark at this summer event of WS, June. It was like something was missing lining up - and there were no torches to light up, because it was already sun!) 
Anyways, it was dark, chill but not freezing. 
I have always been fascinated by the stars, and always feel so calm just looking at them. So I did. In the middle of the courtyard, alone, but still surrounded by strangers - I lay down. 

And here is the beautiful thing : I were alone for like 30 seconds before I hear a voice in the background. ''That does not look like a bad idea.'' And then the person just lay down too, right beside me. Another 10 seconds, two other people join in, and before I know it, we were like 5-6 people laying there on the cold stones, saying nothing and watched the stars. 
It was so beautiful. 
So never underestimate the beauty of watching the stars with some weirdos!
But eventually, your ass got cold -.- 

I have to say - That pre-game waiting day, that event was probably the best for me. Maaaaybe because I was new, and it was my first game, maybe not. I don't know. But I just wanted to say, it was right! :) 

For now, just for the update. I don't know when next event will be, but what I do know is that I will be there, AND I will jump on another event. Because I need two WS events pr. year.  

 

Battle Quest - Larp #2

So, its 36 days until I leave for Poland (again) 
I do other things also, I swear. 
It might seem a bit much now, since both Witcher School, and Battle Quest comes this close to each other.

I am trying a new concept, made by the same guys - Battle Quest, as mentioned before. I'm not completely new to the Warhammer concept, but I can't say I know the history of every clan, breed, race and so on. I just played the miniature game 15 years ago! 

I got into a group, I have made character with great help from a friend whom I will be playing with. So our group have strong roots in the viking world. So it's basically warhammer vikings. Ha ha. It is a bit cool, I must admit. 
I have started thinking costume, as now I know at least what colors they want me to wear. It's mainly brown. I have also bought another sword, and something to sleep on (as the ''borrowing'' option was already sold out.) So I hope I can get these things upon arrival, whenever that will be.
I keep my fingers crossed for as little confusion and ''omg I am so lost'' as possible when I get there. . . but I am aware that it might be total chaos, as it is a shit-big larp with so many people spread all over the field - I fairly think it's impossible to interact with half of the people there. 
There will be total Polish groups, and International groups playing together. I am very eager to see how this works out in practice. 
But most of all I am very hyped to see our own clan. I've noticed they work a lot on it, and show us hints and ideas now and then. It really helps on the hype.
They even have plans and designs for our own showers! (LUXURY)

Everyone is also talking about the deadly heat that is common for this game. Like 30+Degrees. 
Everyone is like : NOT THE HEAT
And I am over here being like : Summer - YAY! 

Never mind we are suppose to do battles and training and not only half-dying-of-heatstroke- in the camp.
Most important thing: Bring water - everywhere - always.
 Also. Emergency food. I am a food wreak. 


36 days will go so quickly. It's just a bit more than a month, but I start building up a hype. Especially since I got a kind of cool character, and have planned out a cool background story and relations. 
Her name will be Asta (Rhymes with Pasta), and she is (ofc) strong! And wont back out from a fight, or avoid one. Ha ha.

It's a sweet and nice thing with our group : Oakenshield clan.
We are extremely connected to family. Family is everything.
I like that beauty. No matter what, we will back each other up. ( think) It's like a movie I wanna watch.​ 

Ah. I am ready for battle. Looking so much forward to see everyone in costumes, change into another character and let them self loose into this crazy 'reality' of LARP. 

After this run, it won't be more far travelleling larps for this year. It's both good and bad.
Good: I don't have more vaction days. I don't have money for it.
Bad: I wan't more! I always want more. Unless BQ proves to be shit, witch I don't think will happen. I know the crew creating this, and they can't fail. Also know so many witchers attending, and they can't screw the game. So - It must be good.

And dear Lord: No panic attacks this time, please! I don't have time for it, and I don't wanna waste more precious time there by telling shit things to myself. 

But, yes!
I hope there will be at least one picture with me in it from the event! :'D 


 

Poems.

I just came over some poems I made some time ago, and I see a red thread. 
My 'best' one, are the one from my darkest days. Well, it's not grammatically correct, but for me it is. 
I have not really had a thing for poems until I just one day tried.
And to be honest, I have not written any new poems for a long time. I think the best poems are written for the heart anyways, when the emotions takes over and not the logic of our brain. The art of poetry is and should be written by emotions in my opinion. It wakes them up, give them life. Make the reader feel something.
I like poems like that. Poems with a deeper context than the words that are written. Poems with a whole book written between the lines.
THAT is a good poem! 

Hah. reminds me of school. We had hours of poem analysis. I hated it so badly back then. Now, today, 13 years later - I would like to learn more.

 

I found this poem I wrote last year, I think. July or August, maybe.

Carry on.


I look at the sky, it's mostly grey.
I put my hand on my chest - still - I'm not ok.
Time is past eleven,
I look up, but there is no heaven.

Clouds are crying, their tears are dripping
My body is shaking and my heart is ripping.
I'm trapped, locked to the wall.
Only a doctor can save me from this fall.

A battle, and I'm on the loosing side.
Flee or fight? I can't decide.
I used to be strong, but my energy is gone.
For now, I just have to find a way to carry on
.

----------------------------------------------------------------
At least two years ago, I still had long hair.

 

Outside, the weather is cold and grey.
The sun is gone, and I'd lost my way.

Darkness, the undefeated power of evil.
You can run and hide, but there is no retrieval.

Work, so many things you need to do.
You know, you know, their all counting on you.

A vacation, so needed, and so far away.
I close my eyes, I start to pray.

God, give me an answer, one or two.
Show me a path and guide me through.

In silence, I enjoy my cup of tea.
An everyday luxury for a simple employee. 
I kiss my cup and braid my hair.
A few more hours and I can leave this chair.

______________________________________

And something less depressing.

Without you, my life would have been incomplete.
You are sweet, and I enjoy you in my seat or on the street.

You are always warm, and you smell so nice.
I think you are a gift from the so-called paradise.

I taste you, I feel the heat,
on my feet, in a suite, under the sheet. . . repeat.

Satisfaction, who am I to disagree.
The beauty of reality  - is tea

______________________________________

:) 

I am writing again!

Ok, it took me some years, but I am writing again! 
Yay :)

I have completed: ''Fløytespilleren'', and sent it off to some publishers two days ago (fingers crossed, but no big expectations) 
This book is my 5th Fantasybook actually. So I believe I learned something about writing after 4 other books, and just one published (book nr 2, Klanen) 
I also have a 6th project started somewhere, but I'm stuck with it - I just wrote the beginning, and now I need a plot! Ha ha.

I am also writing for full speed on the rather brutal and serious book project about being childless. And it's going well, I think. Words comes easy, and I feel both motivated and inspired to continue. Last time I had to put it on ice because I just couldn't, or was not ready for it, yet. 
I got some positive responding from people who wanted to share their story in the book, and I am waiting for their replay, and already got one.
(If you have a story to share about being childless, not by choice, please feel free to drop me an PM)
I really want to write this book. So, let's hope the inspiration is with me a little bit more, at least to finish my part of the story.

Also, anniversary: I started writing my first book - today, 6 years ago. It's not published, and not very well written, but I am still proud of it :)
Such a jump from fantasy to a book about infertility. 

Well, let the words come. Sooner or later it will be harder, so, enjoy the moment while it's here.

 

 

Drawing- character design

6 years aniversity of my first fantasyuniverse, from "Den forviste alveprinsen"

Witcher School - post larp depression - #10

Ok.
This will take time, and it might be a bit darker than you are used to see here.
Yes, it surpised me too.
Also why I took me so long to update anything on this event.

1. First thing first.
The game was always as fun as ever. A lot of amazing new players, and New Claws. So good to see old players again, friends!

But, I will be honest: It was not my best game, but it was fun.
I think I had to high excpectations, and it simply did not reach them. Fair thing.
But- It was far from a bad a game, I had many good, funny, confusing,thoughful and good learning moments though the game, and my character are still growing and envolving.
The weather was good, the castle and it's surroundings were amazing, so many stairs! Very witchery.
So all in all - Yes, it was fun, yes I look forward to the next Event :)

2: post larp depression attacked me harder and more unexpected than ever. It started with a severe panicattack minutes after the game ended, witch lead me to miss the after party (I watched it from the window from my room.) I missed the photobooth I was looking so much forward too.
But I just could not talk/see to people. Though that was the only thing I wanted. Sucks.

3: then I had 3 more days in town to catch up. And there were good days with a lot of pizza, ice cream, magic the gathering,  games, coke and calm talks in the park, sightseeing, drinks. . . Such a nice time. Thanks to everyone involved.

4: Yesterday, day before leaving I got a serious depression attack, (not just a post larp depression attack. Well that too, at the top of it )and it kept my fun to a limit for the rest of the day.
It was very painful, and I cried a lot, felt bad becuse I wasted away my last day with my friends whom I wont see for a very long time.
Around 23:30 the last goodbyes happend, and each one were as painful as the other. . . Suddenly I stood there, alone and bearfooted (my feet hurted because of bad shoes) in the middle of the City.
I Dont know what I was thinking at that time, sitting on a loney bench before I eventually took the 30min walk back to the hotel.
But there were a lot of thoughts,  good ones trying to force over the bad ones.
I got back. Straight to the shower,  sat there for some minutes, crying.. music playing in the background.
Felt so alone.

Is it not weird?
Those attacks happens when you just dont want it too. Why could it not wait until I was home or something. Why did it happen when I am here, surrounded by people I love?
Good job me.

Time is 10:00 , Im leaving in 1hr. And 15 min
I Woke up 4 times this night, for no reason. I Feel totally exchausted, empty and sad. Im not ready to leave. I dont think it would been any easier if I got a few days more here, but still.

All in all. Despite these attacks, and how painful they are, I would totally go though them all again if a witcher School is involved.
Yes. It was worth all the waiting. Yes. It was fun. Yes. I had fun. Yes. Good experiences are what I will remember. Yes. I am fine. I'll be fine.
It will be good to come home too.

Thanks to all involved. You are the best.
Special thanks to those who took the time to handle my shit. You know who you are. I dont know what I would done without you there and then.
Angles.

So. This is the mandatory (brutally honest) "post-larp-depression" post of mine. Written on the phone, still in bed listening to Wardruna.

Thanks for now, and I'll see some of you again at BQ in two months. That will be nice. Not looking forward to the goodbyes again.

Well. Time to pack my bags.
Save travels my friends. Until next time.

Looking through the pictures made me smile a bit, actually. Every one of them has a story to it. Especially the doll serie there. (Yes, she got stabbed by that guy, and got cared for by that lady)
I will never delete these pictures.
I can't.

Witcher School-travel update 1 - #9

GOOOOOOOD MOOORNING!!!

I have slept 3 hours. It was SO hard to fall asleep, I tell you!
But. . . I did not miss my ridicoulusly expensive taxiride , and I have checked in, all good, and are waiting for my first destination - Copenhagen.

I wonder if there are other witchers by air who will be in DK at the same time(same flight to Wrocław)? Would been awesome. Last year, and the year before I found the same guy in DK and Amsterdam.  Haha. So funny.

Anyways
Time is: 04:58, and I've been up for an hour already.

So ready baby!!!

Ny face is just what it is  #tired,  but that wont stop me!

Soon Poland! Soon, and sorry not sorry for bothering you with my presens!

Witcher school - 1 DAY LEFT - LARP - 2018 - #8

Oh.My.God! 

Hold my hat - I am going to Poland tomorrow. TOMORROW! 
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! 

It's happening. It's happening again! 

Early- EARLY morning, around 04:00, I will get up from bed ( If I got any sleep at all), take taxi at 04:30, be at the airport from 04:45, take my plane to Copenhagen at 06:00, then next to Wroclaw at 11:25. 
Swoooosh, landing at 12:35, as always. <3 

Long day. but SO worth it. I am shaking when writing this, ha ha. 

So. Now what. I am almost done packing. (3 days ago) Just need to add some details, like toothbrush and shampoo and such. 

Still trying to figure out what I forgot. 

Larp book, full of songs, poems, jokes, random larp stuff, character sheets and more. 
 
The last few days I've been trying to figure out how to make the days pass faster. . . Always end up with the obvious choice - World of warcraft!


Is it working? 
No, not really, no. 

I see people have landed in Poland already and meeting awesome people. . . And I'm like over here and : But. . . what about me? 
Hnnngh. 
Well, I should go ahead and pre-book my taxi before I forget.
And if anyone have a brilliant idea on how I can sleep ''early'' today - come with them. Things like get drunk, take pills or somerthing is no-go. . . 
I'll try reading a book again. English Steven King is pretty heavy for me in the first place, so. . . should be good enough.

Anyways! ''Travel blog date', as mandotary, will most likely come tomorrow morning as well. So, sorry for bothering you with my excitement. I am a lost case, I know.
Ha ha! 

But, eeep! I will be Bodil again in TWO DAYS! 

Witcher school - CHARACTER SHEET HYPE - LARP - 2018 - #7

I can scream. I should. I want! 

It's announced that the sheets are on it's way! Character sheets!
The next biggest hype ever existing in this world. Ha ha. 

I am all like, totally refreshing e-mail Stopped working, and can't really think of anything else now. 
EEEEP.

Just to explain with pictures : 

Open Email, start refresh. 

Heart stops a bit when I see a new income just after pressing... Then I cried a bit when I saw when it was from. Ha ha. This is my life now. 
Hmmmrgh.
I hope I get it so, so so soon.  I have an hour after work where I can chill in the park. Ask me twice if I am gonna use it for anything else than eating cookies and read about my next adventure?! 

*Refresh* 
Nothing.

Holy Lord, how come this hype being so crazy. My pulse is literally all over the place! 
Aaaah, I am so happy! 

*Refresh* 
Nothing. 

This button don't work. 

*Refreeeesh! It helps pressing the button harder, no?* 

UPDATE. 
People are getting them now, people who are not me, but are my friends. They are reading them right now! I can't handle this.
Where is mine, I need it - NOW! 
*Refresh* 
NOTHING! 
Another friend got his. . . This is killing me, I should leave the internet for a longer life. . .

Refresh* 
OH MY HOLY LORD AND BEOYND! I HAZ IT!!


Bye reality... I leave you with this face :D :D :D : 

Ufrivillig barnløs - bokprosjekt, jeg trenger din hjelp.

Hei.
Jeg startet for lenge siden en idè om å skrive noe helt annet enn fantasy, men jeg merket det fort veldig tungt.

Tema : Ufrivillig barnløs.

Jeg ønsker å prøve å skrive dette på nytt, og har tenkt endel på hvordan jeg ser det for meg.

Jeg ønsker å dele historier om det å være 'Ufrivillig barnløs', sette ord på det, åpne opp, vise at vi er ikke så alene som det føles. 
Jeg skjønner jo at dette er et veldig vanskelig tema, det er tungt, ikke minst svært personlig. Det er delvis derfor jeg ønsker å skrive om det.

Jeg leter da etter kvinner (men også menn ) som ønsker å dele sin historie om temaet. Stort eller smått, detaljert, eller ikke. 
Dette skal ikke være en bok om meg og mitt liv, men et liv for mange. Vi har hver vår unike historie, og jeg tror det kan være både godt og vondt for oss 'rammede' og kunne se og lese at vi er ikke alene.

Send meg en PM om du har spørsmål eller skulle tenke deg å være med på dette prosjektet, så sender jeg deg en PDF-fil med litt tanker jeg har ang. dette.

Det hadde også vært kjempefint om dere kan hjelpe meg å spre dette inlegget, da jeg ønsker å nå ut til kvinner/menn i hele landet.

Tusen takk!

Mvh: Merethe Vaage

Witcher school - One week HYPE - LARP - 2018 - #6


There is just a part of me that will leave this post with this only image. 


IT'S ONE WEEK LEFT! 

What do I do, what do I do?! I feel like I've done all the hype already. I've tried on my clothing, I've done my shopping, I've made potions. . 

I made TOO much, so if anyone want a spare, just find me. I share happily before the game.
It's just 20% alcohol in them, if anyone wonder.
The Golden Oriole tastes like shit, so be warned.

All ready to be wounded or poisoned, now! And I am sorry in advance WS team. . . I kind of stole this bottle. . .  Or truth to be told, I did not see it came with me back home, since I forgot to check my in games bags for stuff that did not belong to me. I will deliver it back soon, I promise. Please don't kick me out !!!

It's 5 days left at work, and two days of panic- packing, and at this time next week, I am either on an airport, or on a plane. One of 3. 
That is the only thing about this LARP mission I don't like one bit. All the travelling, and planes.
No joke, but I always pray extra much when flying. And it is mostly : ''Dear God, please please please don't let this plane crash or get's cancelled or delayed. I am to pretty to die, and I would hate to miss this Witcher School. Thank you, Amen.'' 
 

I need to get a big tape also. To pack my sword safely. That is one thing I must see if I can find today.

Gaaaaah! 7 days. . . In theory it goes quickly, in reality - Just no. 
There is also this part that is afraid when the day is there. Time will pass SO quickly, and then it's over. . . and we will have to start ALL over again with the waiting for the next event. . . . The horror!

 

 

Italy in August!

Yay!
Booking for main vacation happened last weekend actually! This year will be 2 weeks in Italy, with rental car, and two different hotels at two different cities. 
I feel truly excited to go and explore another country some more. Just been to Italy once before ( 5 days in Venice ) And it was really nice, but very crowded.

This vacations main event, for my part, is to visit Pompeii! I always wanted to see the place ever since I learned about it's brutal history, and now I shall :) 
The first hotel is in Pompeii too, well, a bit from the main city - but within decent distance.
Hotel looks nice too. Will be 4 stars both of them, since 5 was ridiculously expensive. 4 is good though. The hotel is not the main place to stay, but I just NEED some things :
1: Pool, bigger the better - for obvious reasons.
2: A nice, clean room which don't look like a trash dump. After a day I might be tired you know, mentally or physically, and then it is good to know you are returning to a calm, safe and pretty hotel. The same goes for having a relaxing time at the poolside with drinks and a book. 
3: Food. It's hard to be a vegan at a poor hotel restaurant. I need something to choose from, something more than hot water and melons. Here is 5 stars gold (especially all inclusive)
4: A gym, not a must, but it's nice to have one available.

It's vacation after all. Why not spoil yourself a little? You don't have vacation everyday. it's a place for relaxing, getting away, explore and see new places you never seen before, eat new food and meet other cultures.

Hotel 1. 

Grand Hotel Paradiso. Catanzaro. This is the second week, moving a bit south.
Simple 4 star, but looks cozy, clean and calm. Aka perfect. 

Hotel 2, Staying in Pompeii for a week, first. 
Palazzo Rozenhal,

Same as above. 4 stars, small, cozy and clean :) 

I mentioned I am excited and looking forward to this. It's an uplifting feeling for me, because last year I did not have this, at all.
I was NOT healthy as you know. I just did not know it myself, yet. I thought there might be something, but I did not know for sure. I could not enjoy the vacation, even though I wanted to. My brain was all - No ope! 
I had to keep music on my ears the same day as travelling down to avoid crying. Stuff like that. I spend hours in the bed while there, because going out and speak with people were a NO- thought. It was hard trying to keep a straight face.

But now - Now I look forward to this. Looking forward to meet Italy again, looking forward to the pool, fruit and cool drinks. Looking forward to learn more history, see more ruins, maybe climb the volcano. Were also thinking of visiting Rome one of the days too. It's just a few hours from our hotel :) 
And I wanna eat at an expensive restaurant, and drink wine ofc. Just because, reasons. 

Travelling the day after I come from Battle Quest LARP, so it will be hectic, but I am used to hectic, so it will be fine :) Going from hectic to chill anyways. . . 

Waah, just under 1 weeks it is Poland a week. Then all July with no plans, then Battle Quest, then Italy.  This will be a good summer! ^___^  

Things changed. 20 years back and now.

Gah! A moment of 'wtf' just happened.

Sometimes I think about my youth. Neither in a good or bad way. It's just weird, and a bit interesting to see how much have changed. How much I have changed, and not just by normal ageing. 

Like now. If I found my 20 year younger me and told her this, she would laughed in my face and go all defensive - NO WAY, never. . . how?  : 

''In 15-20 years from now you will be completely changed. Let's go through your list. ''

1 : No, you won't die alone and unhappy. Just stop thinking so.
2: Yes, someone loves you. 
3: You will have tons of friends, and they think you are funny.
4: Some people consider YOU to be the popular one.
5: You are in fact confident, brave and outgoing.
6: You love spending time with your friends.
7: You still do sports.
8: You still draws, and you are always learning. Yes, you are much better now. You might even compete with your mother if you really want to.
9: You are not scared about everything anymore. You are quite the opposite actually. 
10: People will stop bullying you. Not yet, but soon. Just be strong and fight it. Believe in yourself, and know you are beautiful.
11: You will have shorter hair than your brother, and it suits you.
12: You will grow strong, mentally and physically.
13: You will face some challenges, but you'll find a way to fight them.
14: You will grow to accept your body, even like it. One day you'll wake up and you won't mind your pale skin with freckles.
15: You love dogs. And you will have one, and two.
16: You are safe.
17: You follow your dad's footsteps choosing a career.
18: You'll find out that you can sing, a little.
19: You'll have that best friend you always wanted.
20: You will publish a book. No, I am not kidding.
21: You'll speak quite well English, without shaking.
22: You are no longer afraid to stand out from the crowd. 
23: You are not shy anymore. 
24: You don't accept bullshit, and you won't let it get to you.
25: You'll look good in a dress, and you will eventually dare wearing a singlet, and even a bikini in public.
26: You will travel a lot. Just be patient. 
27: Guess what, some people look up to you.
28: People will come and go from your life, a few will stay no matter what. You know who they are. Keep them.
29: Computer games is not a boy-thing. It's a thing. If you like it, it's your thing.
30: If I should give you any advice now : At the age of 16, go and find out what 'Kongshirden1260' is, and join them. Your best friends will be there waiting for you. Believe it or not.  Also, I might sound crazy, but you will be vegan one day. And you'll ask, why did I wait so long? Try it out. Also, find out what LARP is, and don't hesitate to try it. I know you hate school, but please try for a higher education. Besides that, you need to figure out the rest on your own - Everything you do, will lead you to the one you are today. Every mistake, every choice, every move you do is important. No matter how much you want them undone, you can't and you should not erase them. All experience leads to something. It's yours to explore. It's your life.

 

Witcher school - What about the weather ?- LARP - 2018 - #5

14 days left, mandatory HYPE post.

Today : WEATHER 

It's not like I have checked the forecast or anything . . . 
Yes. Yes, I have. What, did you think something else?


It just goes to the 5th June, but it gives us a short hint.
BIG SUN everyday (mostly). But important thing: No rain.
29C one day, 22C another. . . This can't be anything but perfect. Woah!

Not to mention, from next week and on it is time to hype about the character sheets! They normally pops up the last week/days before game start. It is so funny, because everyone wants them so badly ( I think ). Just some are better at not going crazy as others (<----)
And now I kind of wonder if the NPC's have character sheets as well, or do they do whatever they want/Design their own? I don't know. Ha ha. 
Anyways - It's the next big hype-hype thing now. Those colorful papers with fancy writing, and your name on it! I think I've saved all of mine in a book like a souvenir, or a treasure (Cos it is)
Just reading through the first one, and the second, third - to see what happened to your character is actually a good base for a book story ;) 
The writers are amazing - All credits to them for doing such an amazing job for all the players. 
It's a hell of a job I can imagine. It's over 100 people who need their story, and its what: 1- 2-3 ? Writers. It's a lot of pages.
I hope they have some fun with it, though. :) 
So CRED guys! 

*Happy sigh* 
14 days, 2 weeks left. Two weeks. Can't believe it's not 100 days left, anymore.
 

 

Witcher school - But what about the bedrooms!?- LARP - 2018 - #4

20 days - Hype alert!

Now, as tradition goes it's time to annoy everyone about everything that I still don't know. 
Especially now when it's in a new-old castle. I have never been there, don't know how it looks like inside, or how big/small it is, warm or cold, does it smell like an old castle (please say yes), how the rooms looks like, if there are any. Is it possible to decora. . . oh never mind, just got the answer on that. What about the food? Is it possible to get lost there? Trust me, I will find out.
The only thing I know is what I've seen on pictures. And that is mostly from the outside, and it looks perfect. SO very, very witchery! 
I also know that Moszna castle is kind of luxury in compare. Well, that don't frighten me, to be honest it just sets the mood to awesome. Witchers aren't known for swim in luxury anyways. 

And, there will be tents! Speaking of setting the right mood. What is not more accurate and perfect as tents, and maybe small camps here and there? I don't know how it will be. I just create pictures in my head, and those pictures is a big YES.

Oh, I am dancing on a cloud. I am so excited. It will almost be like 1st event all over again. New place and all that. Every corner is a new hideout, a new secret, a new disaster, a new corner for shady plots. 
And I (was suppose to write something here, but now I forgot *thinkmode*) Oh yes! 
And I really hope there is a lot of stair inside. Stairs of stone. If there is anywhere plotting is happening, it must be in the stairs! 
I've seen to many movies. . . but I am pretty sure I did some talking in some stairs the Witchergames, so, yes - stairs! 
*That was random* 

Anyways. Three weeks left. Shit....  I need to prepare potions!

Funny thing. My friends here at home realize I'm going to Poland more often, and I already got a shopping list from some. He he. 
Everything from Whisky to Magic cards!
I am useful. 

And I am like : I wanna eat pizza and drink Pepsi in a park. . . and play in a castle.
 ___________________________________________________

And for you guys who is like : LARP? What is that. (Weird people doing weird things, and have an awesome time doing it)
Live role game.  Wikipedia it :) 
I did it for you : CLICK HERE
 

Drawing: Bodil(Myself) with important peeps

I had an idea and this happened. 
Based from: Witcher School larp. 

Bodil (My character) and that who inspire/motivate her. Both on god and evil. 

Had great fun creating this, yet feels a bit ego... but I don't care XD

''I am skinny'', Y, what's the problem?

I was just reading the comments under a facebook quote : ''I wish everything in life was as easy as getting fat is'' 


I know: ''Never ever read the comment field'', but I could not resist, as this was speaking to me. And I did not have to read much before someone pointed out exactly my thought, with a ton of supports, and a ton of stupid comments of ignorant minds. As always. 


IT IS NOT ALWAYS EASY TO GAIN WEIGHT! 

Like. I have been struggling with my weight my whole childhood and teens. I was underweight, but not by choice. I loved food, I love eating food, I ate as much as my stomach could handle, and I never got to bed hungry. In my eyes, I was normal until people started name me : ''Skinny'', ''weakling'', ''pitiful'', ''tiny''. . . and other words for me being small and weak, in their eyes. And ofc. I started believing that.
When I got into my early teens it got worse. Visible worse.
I was one of the tiniest girls in my class, or school for that matter. I had not an inch of extra fat, no breast, no hips, no bum, nothing, until I was around 16, maybe. But everyone else started to grow into young women, and you are being left out, still carrying your milk teeths and the childish body. 
- I hated taking a shower after the gym class, and often I just skipped it. People were staring, or so I felt. 
- I never wore a singlet before I was 17-18 years old. I just could not handle not covering my shoulders. Also had nothing to 'show off', why bother.
- I can remember only one piece of pants that fitted my skinny hips, and I felt so comfortable with them on so I wore them whenever possible. Got them when I was 14, and I wore them until they did not fit anymore (18-19) Note that we did not have a lot of money, so I did not get new clothing every now and then. And those pants were super expensive, but my mother just could not resist since she was as shocked as I was that they fitted! 
- I even stuffed my bra's at some occasions when you just desperately tried to look decent in a dress.
- I never wore a bikini before my first trip out of Scandinavia, to Bulgaria at the age of 18. And I felt super uncomfortable with it. Felt so naked - My stomach was naked, IN PUBLIC! Again I felt people staring. I did not realize I was a 'sort of a young woman' at that time. Only when I look at pictures, now. Strange how our minds tricks us to believe something completely different than what our eyes see.
- My gymnastics teacher at school left a ''worried'' message to my mother asking if I had a problem with food, also that he did not dare putting me to do any exercise in fear that it will break me. . . yeah, very fun.
Truth be told, I was eating way more than both my mother and my stepfather. I was active doing swimming 3 days a week, (expanded to 4-6 later, and that was when I finally gained weight.)

Later at the age of 16-17 when I trained more, I saw the first changes - My jacket did not fit anymore. One day, putting it on, it unraveled between my shoulder blades. It was my favorite jacket, but I was happy. It also motivated me to keep going.
It was also possible to by fitting pants, and I got a bum. Whoop!

Point with this. . . ? 
It's not easy to be either under or overweight! It's not 'always' easy go gain or loose weight. Simply as that.

''It's only a facebook meme, you cant make it so personal''
Can't I ? 
It's not just only that. It's a real ongoing struggle for many people, on this or that side. Nothing is ever 'that' easy. 
If people stopped define beauty or intelligence out from what number your weight scale says, this would never been an issue in the first place, you know.

 

That was it :) 
Wish you a great day!

Witcher school - Hype post, again - LARP- 2018 - #3

Sorry (not sorry) for keeping spamming my hype, but it's hard to shut up about it.
It's 34 days left! 

It happens, sometimes. I've been thinking!

Thinking about how weird it actually is. How weird that somewhere in the big wide world there are a few guys who had an idea. ''Let's create a fiction world based on the biggest and best games in modern time, that also looks cool and stuffed with cool people in cool costumes, cool story ect.' 
That is NO small task, nor easy. But they did, and it is so popular too. Always growing. T.h.a.n.k.Y.o.u !
Check it out HERE

I am amazed, and still mad at myself for not realizing this existed before.  BUT, now I do! 

Funny to think about it. 
Here I am, in some eyes too old to play in a castle. Here I am, dressing up as a video-game-character and play a game with other video-game-characters. here we are, escaping the reality for some days.
Just to be trained as a witcher.
These things are things I could see on the internet and think : That looks so cool, I wish I could be there. As if I actually never-ever could go, but I never allowed myself to think it though, like for real.  I just made myself believe this was impossible. . . Like, its in Poland. It's to far away. I don't have the money, and I don't know anyone.  It's all excuses. Nothing more, nothing less. If you want something bad enough - You'll get it.
And here is the ridiculous fact -> I went there. I actually did! (3 times now, soon to be 4)

I don't know where I am going with this post. I am just go thankful for that this event exist, really. And ofc. that I can be a part of it, again.

Here I sit, plotting with several people. Hyping each other up, or at least I am hyping myself up waiting for the next edition to start.
Ps: Speaking of the start. The start of the larp is magic. When the torches comes out, (it's dark. . . well those editions I've been to at least. Also very lucky with nice weather every time) people get silent smiling shyly, full of excitement. Some are tripping on their toes, others whispering ''Have we started, yet. Do we start now?'' 
Trust me - You'll know when it starts! 100%

My first edition was perfect, but yet it seems like every edition is a bit 'better' than the previous one. Could be because I know my charatcer better, and my co-players. Also always getting more co-players, and get in touch with new players.

WHY does such a perfect thing as LARP exist? It's to beautiful for this world.

Did I mention 34-days left? It will be June and it will be summer! Probably too warm for my Gambeson, but ask me if I do give a F***k about that? It's mine, and it is a precious as Gollums ring!


Sigh.
I'm just so ready, sorry in advance for spamming.
<3 

The witcher - Drawing

Fanart ala big.

Let's talk about being tired.

To be tired can be anything, and in any form. It's just not one way of being tired, I believe. 

You can be tired as in :

- Not enough sleep. 
- Mentally tired 
- Physically tired

All of these kind of go together all in all. Mentally and Physically is/can be provoked by to little sleep, and visa versa.

The first one is pretty basic and self explanatory. Our body and mind need a daily rest to function properly. Some need more that others, but everyone needs it. I am not the best student when it comes to get enough sleep, though I regret every morning. 
Just take tonight as an example. I went to bed early (midnight, that is for me, early. . . and to late according to some, since I need to get up at 06:45 for work) And I did not fell asleep at once ofc. It took me an another hour at least. So it's kind of common for me to be at sleep around 01-02 every night. It's not enough, I know. I feel weirdly awake, though.
This is also a highly possibility why I also am mentally tired at this point, close to burned out. I need to be careful. 

Speaking of mentally tired. I always had a need of being brutally honest and open about things, (Because screw taboo's, and let's talk) so here I go again.

It is not a surprise that I am tired these days. Mentally tired. Some days are good, some are bad. It's rather random, and it's annoying. I can be super in the morning, and totally lost in the evening, or the other way around. This makes it hard to plan anything with friends, since I never know what mood I am in.
I had a few days where I was out with friends recently within the last weeks. 
I wanted to to go, because I feel it's been to long since I was out, partying or just hang out with games or food. ''It will be good for me to get out a bit''
So I decided to go, the day before or the same day. . . but then, a few hours before the events I sometimes felt doubt - ''Do I really want to go? Will I have fun? Will I be a bother? Will I be able to join the conversations? ''
These are questions that runs through my head up to two hours over before the event, sometimes during the event too. Sometimes not at all. 
It's a bit strange to me, since I normally love hanging out with friends, so when these thoughts comes up I get confused and it takes away precious time, time I should been using on having fun, not thinking.
Needless to say, this make me tired. Because after the event, you start thinking again: ''Did I have fun, or was this a waste of energy?'', ''Did the other people notice something different with me?''. ''Will they invite me again?''. ''Did I bore them, did the new people think I am a grumpy, boring person now?'' , ''Perhaps it would been better if I stayed at home?''
All these weird thoughts. So, so annoying.

I think I make one mistake when I am out and my mood is getting down. I stay, and wait. ''Perhaps it will pass'', I think. ''If I stay a bit longer things will change, and I will have fun again.''
Often, not always, but often - nothing changes, not with me. Mood is set and I have to understand that - my brain is tired now, time to go home - Even if it's just after an hour.
The reason why I find this hard, is because I am afraid that my friends think that they are boring, or hosting a bad party. The whole me is screaming: NO!! It is not you. It is ACTUALLY all on me, and it's nothing I just say.
It's hard, but I have to learn. And I hope my friends will understand that - If I leave early, I have reasons for it, and its never you. If I leave early, know that I am deeply thankful for the invite, and I really appreciate it. If I leave early I still love you, and I still would love to come back on another event. If I leave early, I am still happy and thankful. 

I just wanted to say that :) 
Thanks for understanding, once more.

Let's talk about unfairness, what do do?

Came over this link and it's so accurate I couldn't let it pass.

''It's going to happen. On your conquest through life, others are going to lie about you, stab you in the back, confuse your motives, and misinterpret your intentions. They are going to over react, blame you, say mean things about you -- to everyone around you.  They're going to shout, point fingers, lie, scream, and accuse you of things that are just not true.''

All of above is me when this happens to me, and I know I should be thinking differently, because walking around bitter never helped anyone.
So. I'll read the rest of the link now. (Yes, I just read the intro.) 

1. Stop shouting. Start listening. For right now at least.

Ok. I can't deny that I am one who quickly will go in defense mode, because - you get angry. It's natural. I know things will turn out for the better if one just, as the link say: Don't do or say anything for at least 24 hours. . . think it through, listen to what they have to say.
Sounds reasonable, if possible. In some situations people just don't want to talk. What then?

2. Don't write out a long explanation of why you are right.
True. I agree. Goes both ways. Though I do this too. Maybe I am petty small minded, but perhaps this phase is not necessary if one just wait 24 hours without doing anything. Give it some time, don't act in anger and all that.
And ironic : ''Even if you're dead right. If you have a popular blog or write articles that are published in online newspapers, you have an immediate channel to clarify your position. But it's a whole lot better if you don't do that.''

Perhaps I should not even write this on my blog. Ha ha. But, I am not accusing anyone - I just find this article interesting.
I am good terms with most of the people in my life, so I am happy and rather lucky, actually.

3. Reach out directly (and privately) to the other person.
Find the root source, and talk about it, fix it - Yes. All yes. I am so Yes on this! 
(Without yelling) Only works if both parts want's to talk, though.

4. Apologize and change if you need to. If not, don't fake it.
''You can feud about the style of the person who treated you unfairly, or you can apologize and move on. They don't need to forgive you for you to change. You need to change because you want to be better.''
I did apologize,I still do - every time I feel I'm in the box ''You treat me unfairly''. I do first get angry, then I think, then I apologize and then I forgive. . . though, I it rarely fixes anything, because both parts need to accept the forgiveness first, but at least I don't have to walk around bitter. Life is to short for that.

And this:  ''And if you don't want to change, then don't. What only makes situations like this even worse is when you pretend to change but have no intention of doing anything different. Sometimes you don't need to change -- you just need to apologize for something that happened and move on. Don't fake it. That just makes things worse.''
To important to let slide by.

5. Keep being "you" in the meanwhile. And forever after that.
Being treated unfairly is a nasty feeling. It feels pretty horrible to be taken advantage of publicly. Even if you did something wrong to cause the poor treatment, you won't feel any better while you're being shamed. The secret to making it through that experience is to just be "you". Don't do other things because people are watching. Don't adopt new habits because you think it will help people like you more. Just be you.

Thank you, author!

''​Follow your dreams. Attack the challenges you were attacking before all of this mess happened. Keep learning. Keep living. Keep leading others. Days quickly turn into weeks. Those weeks quickly turn into months. It's easy to let your dreams fall aside as you let yourself be distracted by the worst things in life. Don't let that happen to you. Don't let your dreams be squashed by attitudes that are entirely in your control.''

It did not feel horrible reading this article today. I think I needed it actually.
What I learned the most from this is the first statement: ''For at least 24 hours, don't do anything. Don't defend yourself. Don't lash out. Find some place that's quiet and think things through.''

I will work on this one. I need to. Imagine how much easier my life will be if I just can 'breathe' and don't go into defence-mode before I thought things through.

Moral speech of the week :) 

 

Learning Polish be like. . .

Learning Polish be like. . . 

 


WHAT?!


Noe, please. This is just ONE word. . . one word. . .

MHM! I need a class. . .



I don't even know what Dative and Accussative is, and Genetive and instr. and loc, and voc. . .  I don't think it's possible to learn for Norwegains.

Sigh.

 

 

Witcher school - LARP- 2018 - #2

''Witcher school - Witcher School - Witcher School. . . ''

Ever since I got to work today I've been hearing this sentence inside my head. This is what you hear after a well ended Witcher School event, where 100 people raise their hands and shouts these words together.Then we drink beer and fall asleep by the fire in the tavern before we brutally departs the next morning!
 #ThatMoment

I think this is the crucial point where my hype is building up. Because it's under 50 days left!!

In 46 days I am back in Poland, but not at Moszna Castle, but the other castle Grodziec! 


I am SO excited. The castle looks amazing, and I don't care if it's smaller or not as luxurious as Moszna. It's a part of the fun, and truth be told - I can easily sleep on the grass, as long as it's not raining. As long as I am there, as long as I don't starve - I won't complain.

So, 46 days. . . I am slacking! 
I have not started potion preparation on the kitchen as tradition says. I still have Vodkta left from last time. Have not really touched it since. And I have not found my final outfit yet! *Squeek* And not even test tried it as traditions go. I must find a space for that soon. Because, why the f**k not!
It's June, and they promise us summer and warm weather, and all my Witcher gear are made for early spring and early autumn! So I need a summer outfit. 
A part of me wanna walk barefooted though the whole event. Ha ha.
And oh, I hope I get a chance to just slack and drink wine in the grass! *Clap hands* It will be perfect if I do, and someone kicks the wine out of my hands and force me to take pushups for every minute I was slacking. Ha ha. 


OMG, the more I think about it, the faster my heart beats. I'm going back, so soon!
I am SO excited for whats gonna happen this time. What plot twist can we fear? Will I survive this time? Do I have new friends, enemies? Will there be new monsters? Aaaah, how come that everything is so perfect, and I (ME!) can be a part of it all.
*Happy sigh

Again, as always. This will be my 4th event, and how words can't describe how excited I am to see everyone again in their beautiful Witcher gear, and fu*cked up witcher minds. Ha ha!
I love you all. 
I can almost see a light in the tunnel. It's under 50 days until I can twin thumbs at the airport. Under 50 days until I shall try to order a vegan pizza, in Polish (I am nervous already) Under 50 days until I can find my hotel room at Ibis and fall happy down on the bed before I jump out of it and find the locals.
Last time I almost cried when I found the first bunch of people. I am pretty sure the same will happen this time also. 
It's weird how special these people became to me. I can't really explain why. It's like a  second family :) 

But yes. Did I mention it's 46 days left!!

 

Drawing - emotions

Something new.... like, really.
 

Drawing - An assasin

He is so new that he don't have a name.
The book is on ice, though. I don't have a plot. Just a start XD

Open for commission

Help me share please :)

After done a few/many portraits the latest two years, I decided it's not THAT scary anymore, therefore I decided that I am now permanently open for commissions.

Prices for portraits:

(Digital, greyscale only. With a reference picture. No exceptions)
Portrait, face, neck, upper chest : 300 NOK , 30EUR 
Full body: 600 NOK, 60EUR
Animals: 500NOK, 50EUR

Message me for more info.
https://www.facebook.com/Meretheartwork/

E-mail: merethelangoen@hotmail.com  

Thank you so much :) 

Drawing, Gendry - Game of Thrones

And i just learned he is one year younger than me. . . Randomly. 



(Hot guy :3 ) 

Les mer i arkivet » Juli 2018 » Juni 2018 » Mai 2018
Lithanna

Lithanna

32, Bergen

En tegne/trene og skriveblogg. Jeg kommenterer ikke på andre blogger. Interesser: Tegning, skriving, dyrevelferd, hund, trening, reanactment, laiv, spill, sang og kor. I Juli 2015 fikk jeg min første fantasybok publisert. ''Klanen''

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