Panicattack

Back and forth with if I should post this or not. Can't seem to decide, so I will just post it.
I told you I wanted to be open and honest about this "Journey" of mine.

So - Not that this was my plan for the evening, but it happened non the less.
Another (short, but aggressive) panickattack.

Started of with just feeling down, then my eyes got wet, tears came and then everything went crazy.
Hided in the bathroom while texting my best friend who guided me through. Always so supportive and understanding.
Thank you sweatheart - I love you.

It is maybe an hour ago now. Have some cheastpain, but not to much. My eyes are heavy and red - I will go to bed soon. Exchausted now. These things take up a whole amount of energy. . .

Also wanted to be bloody honest, and show the thruth of it. By pictures.
Why: Have no idea, maybe you are curious. Or maybe I will try to make this a bloody less Taboo theme.
This shit is real - and many of us have this. And it should not be something we whisper about in a corner because we are afraid to be laughed at or misunderstood or not taken seriously. 

We feel ashamed - and that comes from the taboo past of mental illness. Its something we don't talk about.
We have come further, have we not? We know more.

Anyways. (Just ignore everything I just said if its bullshit. . . I really dont know, I just babble and hope something make sense.)

The attack is begining. It's hard to keep it in, I just want to scream and hit things. Destroy things - I feel tremendous anger combined with heartbreaking sorrow.

And its on it's worst. Still keeping it in. Don't wanna go all crazy. It will pass. I just need a moment.  But it hurts. . . It hurts so so bad at this stage.
But Best friend holds my hand - 700km away, but she is there.

And the worst is over. But I am tired now. I feel empty and kind of lost.

I go back to my room, continue my drawing, calm down with music and a coke. Still my eyes are heavy and red, and my body is beaten up.

It is my first evening of vacation (1week)
Tomorrow Im of to Spain. I hope that will do good. Get some sun and warm on my body. Relax and dont do anything.

As for now.  Sleep well and thank you in advance - for everything

DRwing - Emotions

Just because.

 

Answer from the doctor.

Me again.

Just wanna say that I got a message from my doctor just now.  Well, not my doctor, but the people who might actually treat my head.
DPS ( District psychiatric hospital, or whatever that is in English)  asked me to be there 5th October, and another deeper digging into my head the 11th, as I understood it.

Things are happening. And I'm glad all of this starts after WS. I better start prepare myself to answer difficult questions then.
But, it is easier to answer questions than a : ''So, tell me your troubles.''
I am like: Where do I start? 
From the beginning? 
Me: Ehm. I don't know where the beginning is.


Nevermind. One day at the time. 
 

Nervous feeling.

Good morning.

I have no intention to whine or just feel sorry for myself with these posts, though it might seem like that right now.
Just wanna tell you how I feel, share an inside sight of a broken mind. I don't mind.
I am broken - but not dead and not alone. 

People should know my good sides, and bad sides. My ups and downs. Because a person have both - so don't hide who you are or take cover behind a mask. Because I have done so, I still do - and it have never done me good in the long run. 

This is temporary, I refuse to be like this for the rest of my life. I won't. But, for now. One day at the time, suck it in, survive.

___________________________________________________

Ups.
I saw this weeks episode of GOT yesterday, that was a moment of perfection- nothing was wrong. Everything was perfect for an hour. GOT and homemade pizza and pepsi MAX. Then I had a very funny skype talk with a friend, and that really made the evening of the week. It was a good evening with smiles.
Thank you!

__________________________________________________

Now

Time is 10:01, it is Friday - And I travel for Spain tomorrow, one week. 
Look forward to some real distance. Can't do any harm. 

 

I woke up deadly tired. Or wrong, hubby woke me up - otherwise I would oversleep. . . again. 
Packed my stuff for work and workout. I actually put some makeup on, first time in two weeks. Just trying to not look like shit all the time. 
Then put music on my ears. (Sabaton. Some good metal in the morning.) 
Arrived work at 07:52. Felt nothing. . . well after 20 minutes I got nervous. You know the feeling if you have a fright for something, ect. the dentist.
You have arrived, and are waiting for you appointment. *That waiting*, that kind of nervous feeling.
I still have it. The murmur feeling in your stomach. At one point you feel sick, not sick enough that you actually puke. . . but you feel unwell. I feel unwell.

I try to remember some trick to get my mind distracted. Some actually work-work do help for a short period of time, since I need to concentrate and think of important things.

The nervous feeling is still there when I write this, (10:15) now its up in my chest. it's not painful, just uncomfortable. If I take a deep breath and hold it - it feels calming, but I get dizzy of it, so I stop. Well, deep breaths and some stretching, do work a bit. 

I have 6 hours left before I can say I am on vacation. 

 

Some things triggers bad feelings through the day, I can't lie it of. One of them is:
This year many of my friends post their child's first schoolday. Beautiful, smiling children. Happy to be at school, learn things and make friends. Parents all so proud.
- If things did not go to hell that day, we would have one for its first school-day this week also. It's six years ago now. *Sigh
It is how it is. I can't change it. I have to look past it and keep going.  

Besides that. I have a floof who help me fall asleep an  the couch. I have a floofpaw I can hold when I feel extra sad, and she will stay there with me - helping me to handle everything, keep me calm.

Me and my floof two days ago. Sitting in the park, watching the birds in the pond. It was a moment of sun. 
My floof don't eat birds - she actually don't care about them. In this picture she really just wanted to move forward. The grass smells so good.
I actually surprised myself on our way back. On the way I felt very upset for literally nothing. I was all ready to scream and curse to everything, because Floof stopped to sniff something. I did not do anything though. I stopped myself. But I was scared - why did I react like that? I had no reason too. Just not logic.

We went home and I don't remember what I did next. My memory is shit, always been - and will probably be even worse now. Most likely I did some drawing and piano practice. 

 


Anyways. My honest everyday post of the day.


I wish you a good day. Or just a day, as a friend told me. Because some days just is a 'day'. 




 

No, you don't understand

That is what my head tells me on bad- bad days, when someone is trying to be nice and tells me - Hey, it will be alright. I know what you are going through. 

The real me, would Not EVER said this: You don't understand. 
But the sick me, will think so. Because that is logic to her. ( it is wrong, please I know.

But now I will try to explain what the sick (selfish) me thinks.

'' You don't understand, and you can never understand, because this is my fucking mind. My fucking head, my fucking life - Not yours. 
It is I who need to battle this, not you. It is I who feels the pain, feels the shame, feels the weakness. 
Everything I have been through is my burden, not yours. It is my curse, not yours.
How can you possibly understand? Everything I see and hear is twice as loud as normal. I overthink everything, analyzes everything twice, only to end up with the same answer. I have a sorrow, something within I can't cope with. I can't beat the demons I can't see. I have weapons, but I can't see my enemies. 
How can you understand how I should handle this? You can't. ''


As I write this I feel sick to the bones. I hear how selfish this is, and how awful and hurtful it is. 
I hope I never say this to anyone. This is not me. This is not the person I want to be. Not today, not ever.

 

 

A step into the unknown.

So, I will try to not make this looks like a self-pity post, but I feel I have something to tell everyone, as it will be as it is. This or that way.

 

*Takes a deep breath.

I want to be honest and open with this. As much as possible, if there is any questions, don't hesitate to ask. I might tell, and I might have a bad day - an politely refuse, because I don't have the strength or being capable to find the right words.
Already once today I have fucked up, because I am an emotional wreck and I don't know what I say before the words are out, and someone ends hurt because of that.
I can't promise it won't happen again, because when I am panicking for whatever reason - I feel like I need to do something, and learned this was is not the way. But I can't control it. So I wan't to warn you, as my friend now - If I say strange things, that don't look like me - it is not me. And please forgive me.

 - I have been diagnosed with Anxiety and depression, just recently. 
I filled out a form at the doctors office after a long talk, and a letter.
Scored 17 on Anxiety 
Scored 14 on depression. 
31 - In total. 
I think everything over 19 is a sign of problems. . . so. 
The doctor sent a request for a psychologist as soon as possible, but there is a waiting list, and I have to be patient until that happens.  It is though to hear, of course, but also good to know that it's just not only me.
So I am getting help. 


That said. I won't go into deep details on what, when or why. If only i knew that myself, I would not be here in the first place.
But after the talk with my doctor it's most likely that the problems started already in 2011, when I lost my first un-borned child. Then it happened again the year after. Then we got rejected as foster parents. So there are strong elements that this is the root cause, and I never got a chance to come to peace with it. I went into therapy back then to. It worked for a time, but did not fix anything, it seemed.
This affects a lot of things in the everyday life. Things kind of slowly changed from there. One tiny thing after the another, so slowly I don't even notice them before it's ''to late''.

Also. On the work front there are huge changes, my contract with the company that hires me has been signed off, so after 9  1/2 years at this place, I have to do something else, and I will have an unsure routine from 1st. October. 

Don't really helps. 

________________________

I might end up on medication, but I really hope I can avoid that as long as possible. 

So what happened? How did I find out?
I started a week maybe two back in time. With small pain in my chest that did not go away. It was not really painful, just uncomfortable. I walked with this without thinking to much over it. It will pass. It did not. It got worse. I tried to talk to some about it, some  told it could be anxiety, but I told them no. I don't have that. 
Yet. It still went on. I started to cry for no obvious reasons.
Last weekend I collapsed on the coach, screaming and crying for . . . I don't know how long. It never ended. I was shaking, panicking, had problems with breathing and felt like I wanted to destroy things, but I kept clinging to a pillow until I managed to call my mum and just tell her everything that was filling my head. Some things really disturbing. Basically just chaos. I don't even remember what I told her, I was desperate.
She is a star of the few, so she was very supporting and told me to see a doctor at once. I called for an appointment, but was nothing available in three days. I signed up for that.
So thank you mum. I love you. 
- After that, I felt empty. I sat on a chair and just stared into the abyss - not knowing what to do with myself. It was a struggle to even move my hand to the keyboard to surf the internet as I normally would do. Listen to music, or draw.
(Pain in chest is back while I write this.) 
I lost my appetite  and did just eat 3 small meals on 4 days. Lost 4 kg somewhere in the process, so, something is not working. I look at the time and realize I have not eaten anything today. I will
Still I feel it's hard to start a project, like a daily routine like: Workout, walk the dog, eat, draw or practice with piano or singing. I need like an hour of just staring before I get myself to action. It's very frustrating. 

It is soon one week vacation, and I hope that will do me some good. Get some distance. Forget the world for a tiny moment.

I have many things I should look forward too, but I can't now. The hype is shaded over by a dark mist. I just hope the wind will clear the sky soon. I would hate to loose my Witcher School hype because of this shit. I have been looking forward to this for 6 months, and now is not the time to feel scared or anxious. It's just 6 weeks ahead.

 


Anyways.
With this post I just wanna inform how things are, and I would love to be honest about everything. So please be patient with me.
I have a lot of things to think of, and a lot of things to fix, repair, handle. And I don't know how yet, but I will find out. 
There a big things, and small things. Important things and not so important things. Stupid things and smart things. 
I can't seem to see the difference between what now, but I will work on it.  

I have problems to talk about it, but be patient and I will. Because I want to talk about it. I want to share my story if it can help anyone. 
I have many good friends that are stepping up for me already, talk sense to me and try to help as well as they can. Bless them for life.  I hope by the love of God I don't loose them, because I feel for a period of time now, I will do and say things that will hurt them, and If they leave - I can't blame anyone but myself.


But it is hard. Because I am ashamed. I am sad and angry at my self, but I know it's not forever. It will pass, but not now. Now I must find a way to breathe, or just give a fuck. 
When all this is over, I will be the happiest lady in the world - I am sure. It might take weeks, months, years - future is uncertain, but it's there. I won't be there alone, but things will change. . . this or that way, and I hate changes. 


I will leave this for now.

I will be fine in the end, I promise. All I want is your patience, and please - don't shut me out of your life. 
 

 

Drwing - A witcher + process

 

1

 

2

 

3 DONE

Drawing - Another witcher + process

Process or process 
1 or 2 :p


 

2

 

3 DONE

Witcher School Journey - Larp - September 2017- #4

So, I forgot to write a hype post when the Questionair sheet came out a short while ago. So, better late than never.

Besides : Its 50 f*cking days left!!!
If that's not hyping you, nothing is.

The Questionair sheet is a form where they (The bosses) ask you basically what they need to know to prepare your character for the first/or next event.
Everything from what weird food needs (<---) to what your character have been up to lately - if you have one already.
Also what you liked and what you didn't like, and so on. Just to make you are as happy and satisfied as possible during your stay.

I know me and many other players have been hyping each other up ever since we left the castle in March. Especially waiting for the sheet is one of those things.

I got mine 30 minutes before I was done on work, and there is no way I could wait until I got home to fill it out. Because they told me to fill it in as soon as possible. . .  so I did.
Never wrote as fast in my life, and still I feel like I forgot so much. Might got it better if I just had a bit more patience, but no. 
I think I got the most important things down (Don't serve me non-vegan-food.) 
No, really. If I forgot anything important with relations and stuff, I will just improvise and play it out anyways.

Btw: Does anyone ever thank these Boss-guys enough for making Witcher School ? 
I don't even know how to. Hug them to death is not nice - I've heard choking is not really that pleasant. :p



Well it's 50 days left! I am so excited. . . surprise . . .

Now the next big thing is to wait for the actual character sheet.  I promise you - Just watching all the guys get theirs before you get yours, is torture. It's like Christmas, birthdays, pepsiMax, redwine, new game on your Xbox, laughing puppy and winning a round of Gwent - all at once!! 

I was so jealous when I heard some people got more than one page of character-information, and I 'just' got one. . . (Totally not talking about you, Jeremy :p ) 
 I need to talk to more people it seems, or get into more trouble ;) 


For now : Cross out another day in the calendar, and do my duty to keep the Hype alive.
Cheers my beautiful witchers/Stripes and soon-to-be-witchers.

Drawing - Another witcher + process



Process or process.. One ought of two.
Forgot to update.

Den forviste alveprinsen

Jeg har lagt hele boken ut på nett, litt fordi jeg er litt trøtt av ''forfatterlivet''. Så uferdig som den er, så kan du lese den - helt gratis :) 

Oppfølger kommer fortløpende.

Trykk her

Takk :) 

Drawing - Greyscale - progess (some)

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Did not make many progresspictures this time. BUt here is what I have

2



3 DONE

FOMO - Fear of missing out.

I did not know this was a 'thing' until recently. 
So I did some research because I felt like that I might fit in this box:

- Fear of missing out or FoMO is "a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent". This social angst is characterized by "a desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing". FoMO is also defined as a fear of regret, which may lead to a compulsive concern that one might miss an opportunity for social interaction, a novel experience, profitable investment or other satisfying events. In other words, FoMO perpetuates the fear of having made the wrong decision on how to spend time, as "you can imagine how things could be different".

Read more here

I read some more and come to a conclusion that, no, I will not say I have FoMO. I think, maybe you just shake your head now and think, ''Oh, no. You are FoMO''. 
 - BUT - maybe I am a bit FoMO? 
A few of these points get's to me.

1: I am addicted to social media, and update facebook way more often than 'normal' people. I need to know what's going on. I always have the phone close at all times, in case somebody should reach me I do normally answer really quick - because, I can't let them think I am ignoring them, or I might miss something if I don't see the message at once. . .!
BUT I try to not use the phone while I am in company with friends. Then I want to spend the time with them, and not the phone. They deserve my attention, not facebook. 

2:  When there in an event going on and I know many of my friends will attend, I know I want to go too, and if for some reason I can't - I end up getting really frustrating and upset.
I might even plan to go to events where I really don't want to be, like huge festivals or something - Just to be with friends there. But that was a long time ago, perhaps I was worse before.
Now I'm rational enough to know that: ''No, I don't like festivals. I will not attend. Period.'' 
But when it comes to small parties - I just hate to be left out, or not getting invited at least. (Who don't really) Again. It was much worse before.  Now I am capable to say 'No', because I'm tired or have to get up early the next day.
But not being able to go somewhere because you are promised away somewhere else. . . now THAT is torture. Just not being able to choose. The horror!



 


So. I'm sure we all know one FoMO person.
But do you know FoMO is areal thing, with a name and a 'cure'. Now you do. 
So next time you feel rage over your FoMO friend for looking at the phone while talking to you. . .  keep this in mind. They might not even know it themselves. 
How can YOU assist them. Pushing them away is surely not a good answer, is it? 
I will at least think of this. How can I help without being rude or pretend I'm a doctor. All in all. I just want to learn and understand them. Because it could easily be me - loosing friends and not even knowing why. Sometimes we just need that one person who dig under the surface.  

Witcher school - Larp Sept 2017-

Oh, the waiting. It never gets easier or better.
The hype is torture at times.

The journey continues, but for now it's just another rant about this sleeping phase.

Just had a look at my calendar, x-ing out days of the past, look past the summervacation to Spain in August. . . and mark WitcherSchool again with a blue marker.

62 full days left, or two haircuts.
Seems like forever. Then I think about when it was 100 days left. That dont seems so long ago, so I guess time is moving after all.

But - waiting. Hate it. Its boring, ok.
But it's worth it. In the end.

I'll survive by talking to my other witcherfriends, share the hype, do rolegames, write stories, draw them, and so on.
There should be a questionnaire coming out soon to all the attendants - I update my email daily. But nothing yet.

Hah. Ahf.
I just want to continue Bodils story!!

And it topped this weekend when I was on another larp and my roomate started talking about his dreamlarp for the future and was like:  That must be The Witcher school.  . . . and my jaw just dropped
"" OMG I have been there. . . Twice!You have to go, Its amazing"!!

And later on I saw another player with a witchermedallion. . . In game. . .
I did not know how to react. A part of me wanted to go all like:  You are no witcher, did you steal it?!
Haha.

Well. It's a sign. I see witchers everywhere.

Still 62 days left.

Drawing - Sir Jorah Mormont - Process

Lord Friendzone - Game of Thrones fanart - is done.

Tried to save som progress drawings. 

 

1

Sketch 

 

2
Place shadows

 

3
Dark vs light mode

 

4
One eye done, and half a face

 

5
Another eye.

6 Done




 

The wind beneath my wings ( Sonata Arctica )


This is the song that taught the 18 year old me that metal is not that bad after all. Soft start, yes. But, it all starts somewhere.
And from that time Sonata Arctica has always been my fave. band of all times. It has been my cure, and saved me so many countless times.
And yes - Yes - it's a cover - but a good cover! 
Tony's voice is perfect.

It just came back to me now. Have not heard it for years, and suddenly I just had to find it, and now I can't understand why I have not picked it up before now. It is so wonderful. 
And if you are not a metal person, you will like it anyways. I mean, my mum do.
Don't do as I did - avoid all metal bands/songs because ''You don't like it. ''.
DON'T. Listen first.
Find their ballads if you must and just listen. . . listen to their voices, listen to the passion, listen to the lyrics. . . because - it might surprise you.

 

And now I got emotional. This song and this version still means the world to me.
 

Sketch - Lord Friendzone

Game of Thrones is back on the screen. Time to get inspired.

First one out this time is a true beauty.
Sir Jorah Mormont - Lord Friendzone 

 



Sketchy version. Will work more on it later.

Drawing - Cole fanart - Process

Wantet to try something else than black/ white.

Dragon age fanart - Cole. 

Ended up like this 

 

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2

 



3



4



5. DONe



What do you think?

Sketch - Cole - Dragonage

It's a bit more than a sketch, but it's what I call it since it's not done.

This time I wanted to try something different. Use a color that is not black- white.
And see how that works out.

Cole (Human/Spirit - Not a demon) is a cool character from Dragon age Inqusition. (Game) 
His story is so interesting, also - funny, and super cute. To bad he is not romance able -.- 



 

 

 

Drawing - Happy ending -

Poor Lither finally deserves a happy moment. 
I have probably drawn him over 200 times since 2011, and I can count on one hand how many smiling faces he had on them.
So I felt like smiling when making this.

Happy ending for him too, even I have not come to this exact point in the story. . . yet. 
I mean - the crown.... Perhaps he plays '' Truth or dare'', and are dared to steal the kings crown. He he.
Highly possible later in the story.

 

1

 

2 DONE



 

Drawing - Fanart, Dragonage + some process

Fenris vs Anders fanart today.
From Dragonage 2 
My all time favorite companions.

 

1





3 DONE


Always wanted to draw them more realistic, but it is SO hard.
I just need to practise more.
It's better than last time I tried, so Im happy with that :) 
 

Drawing - Passion - Process

Oh, not posting here so often anymore.
Just don't feel like I have anything to say.

Well, I can still share drawings, though, Not been much of them either, been busy with other things.

Here is one . I feelt in the mood of some cuddeling - on the paper.

 

1.



Heh, funny stage.

 

2



Almost abstract

3



Something is happening. 

4



5



6 DONE



What do you think?

Drawing - Teef

Just my roleplaycharacter (one of them) 

She don't know her own name, but everyone calls her ''Thief'' (for a reason) 
So that's what she calls herself if people ask - Teef- 



 

 

Drawing - Lither in a very dark place

Madness, just madness.



 

Drawing - family - Process

Two new drawings.

 

1
Okey. . . Lets give this a try.



 

2


Smile....or no smile? 


3


Smile. You are happy dude, for once. SMILE!


4



 

5

DONE 

Smile like you meen it... damn, you need to smile more often!




There is a first time for everything, and new challenges and stuff.
Baby drawing - not done that since 2011 , still very hard... And emotional -.- 

Buut. Lither and Susannah needs some love on paper too, so.
For once ;) 

Drawing - random



Mmmeh ... ute av trening  -.-

Fitness and attention. Good or bad?

What is this to me? 

It's definitely more than one thing.



 


I starts somewhere.

I have always been a person who like to be in activity. It started at a age of 10 when I started doing swimming.
I did so the next 8 years, and had great time with it. I basically grew up in the pool. I got friends there, and I learned that I can be strong if I work for it. I can achieve something if I give it time and patience. I am a winner if I give it all, and more.
I fought to win over my own records, and I did - one by one, but It all had to end sometimes. 
And I still miss it, a bit. I wonder who my scores would have been by now if I kept the pace. 
 

From there I started going to the gym, did some Taekwondo between that, and back to the gym again. 
 

For now I do freeletics as my daily workouts.
Both the GYM version ( Low weight, many rep.) And bodyweight. (Workout with only your body as equipment) 
This is not something that build muscles as in bodybuildning, but its great for loosing weight, and gain a slim and athletic look - which I kind of likes, so I will continue on this path. 




 




What is my goals? 

- As for everyone - I would also like to have a body I'm proud of. I would like to look fit. 
- I want to be healthy and take care of my body. 
- I need to use my body to be happy, so workout is perfect.
- I love the idea of free athlete and that is my ultimate goal, to do weird yoga-stuff (that require a hell of a core - strength) in public :p 
- I was bullied in my childhood and teens. Often because I was so skinny and people told me I was flimsy and a wimp. I had big problems with that for many years, so building strength helped me out of it.
 Speaking of which - Workout is a good way to deal with anger. And nothing works better than sprint until you puke, or take push-ups until your arms collapse. Driven by anger is when new records is set. At least for my part.
Anger becomes some kind of fuel, and you just keep going. I love that feeling. Perhaps I should be angry more often.
- I wanna be the best I can be.
- Fitness improve our general happiness. It give me a routine in my everyday life, and it is something I need to do or else I just end up like: '' Something is not right.'' 
- I won't say I don't like attention, because everyone know that's a lie. I love attention. I don't crave it, but it is always nice when people take notice in the things you do. As for fitness, without the motivation from people around me it can be a real struggle at times. I do share this and that with my progress (hate or love it, I am sorry in advance) , and I'm faaaar from a professional in any level, but I hope it can be a motivation/inspiring to someone, out there. 
- And I think everyone should be proud of their achievement on what they do. Don't hide it (unless you want to). Don't be shy. You are good enough, and any achievement is a good achievement. 



I'm kind of tired of Norway and their policy of : ''Don't believe you are something.''
''Don't show off, because - boastfulness'' 
''Don't be proud, and don't show it because some people might get offended.'' 
''Don't go out there and show who you are and don't ever tell anyone that you are good in something. Because - who the hell are you who can believe something like that.'' 
*Fuck off* 


Are you proud - be proud and show it. The world need more of that. The world need more of people who are happy about them selves. There are too much of a focus on all the negative things on our bodies and in our mind. When can it be allowed, and accepted to tell the world - ''Hey look what I manage to do?''  without people whispering behind your back -'' what an attentionwhore''. And yes. Let me be the first to admit it. Yes - I love attention :) 

 



 

Fun facts - Laughter -

Did you know that : 
 

 Laughter Is Attractive

Research by Dr. Provine found that women laugh 126 percent more than men in cross-gender conversations, with men preferring to be the one prompting the laughter.

In a review of more than 3,700 newspaper personal ads, Dr. Provine revealed that women were 62 percent more likely to mention laughter, including seeking a mate with a sense of humor, while men were more likely to offer humor in their ads.

Read more here

 

There are few things I appreciate more than a good laugh. Seriously, when you see me with laughing cramps - that is a very happy me.
If you are the reason : You can consider yourself as a good friend of mine, because I love people who makes me laugh.

HUMOR, friends! 
I can't say this enough - Humor is so important in our lives, and don't even go : ''I don't have humor'', yes you do! Everyone have... If it's a good one, remains to be seen ;)

Lither+ blood + process

 

1

2

3

4


5 DONE



 

All the Witchers, and favorites. ( Drawings )

As you know. I found out one day in December 2016 that I would like to draw witchers from the larp (Witchers School) I was attending.
Took me 6 months to complete 26 of all the requests I got in.

I did it all for free, with a possibility to buy V.I.P version (buy yourself to the main priority, so you don't have to wait in the line like the others) A few did this.
Though its nice to get some coins from it - I prefer to not draw for money. I really don't like it and the pressure comes with it.
I rather draw as a surprise gift - It's more rewarding :) 
Which also is why I normally turn down any drawing requests I get. Just don't like it.


Anyways.

Here they are.



I had great fun with all of them. Many where a real challenge, and equal where a pain in the ass. Just to mention details like hair, beard, armor, fur, low resolution reference picture (zooming) and hands.
If I did a counting on how many times I did loud swearing, it would sure be a lot. (And that comes from the person who actually don't like to swear in the first place. Ha ha) 

I loved to draw all the faces. Love the difference expressions, play with light and shadows, find the details in the eyes and so on. Just love to recreate a scene that means something to that person I portrayed.

I have a few favorites in this bunch of people. A favorite picture to draw, that is. 
They ended up as that because I felt I could do something I never though I could, or got something right for the first time. It could be small details like - The perfect hair, the shadows that was just great, the amount of time I spend that actually was worth it. If I struggled with something for a long period of time and SUDDENLY got it. . . those kind of details make me proud when I feel I finally ''did it''. And those details create a favorite. 
It is hard for me to be really proud of my drawings, since I am a perfectionist and always find something that could be better. . . but I have learned that I will do my best, and don't focus on the negative, but learn from it.

 



So if I am to pick a favorite out of these it must be this one: 

Why? 
The first thing come to my mind is - When I completed this I had a smile on my face and felt really happy with the end result - I also don't feel very comfortable drawing ladies, so I get really happy when I feel it went well.  Also survived the patience test with the clothing, manage to pass the temptations to rush it.

- Also the endless respond I got from everyone on this one was breathtaking. You actually made me cry some happy tears ;) 

2

I'm really happy with the face and the hand + details in the armor and kind off sorry that I failed the patience test, but I also like the end result like it is in a way to. 
I have always had a weak spot for sketches and rough- raw- look- drawings. 

3

Happy with the fur, face and hair. Also the quality of the reference picture itself. It's clear and have a lot of details I find fun to draw, especially in the face and eyes. For some reason I like the neckline and the shadows there. And the hair, the hair was fun to draw.

 

4


Very happy with the shadows and lightning in the face. I am always tempted to use to much black, which is not good. So I was kind of happy that I remembered it here.
Also struggled with the smile, but think it turned out fine :)

5


A real challenge. Hands just saying. I spend a terrible amount of hours just on the beard and the hair, which also left me with a good feeling in the end. Take time is always worth it.
 

6


I struggled with the whole mouth region, but again - be patient and try your best sometimes work. I remember I felt really happy and satisfied when the last detail was done and I could move on to the rest of the drawing.
Also very, very, very fun to draw a blind eye for once. Always fun to draw something in a face that you have not done before. I really like that.
 

Ok, that must be those I like the best.
But for all in the world - I am really happy with all of the 26. I have learned a lot in the process, and it gave me confidence and happiness.



I have a break now from drawing witchers, and it will be as long as it need to be. But I promise I will have another run eventually.
So wanna have a free drawing of you. . ? Better join the Witcher School, then, and make sure to be around the fantastic photographers who walk around and memorise everything. 
 

 

Thank you :) 

Les mer i arkivet » August 2017 » Juli 2017 » Juni 2017
Lithanna

Lithanna

31, Bergen

En tegne/trene og skriveblogg. Jeg kommenterer ikke på andre blogger. Interesser: Tegning, skriving, dyrevelferd, hund, trening, reanactment, laiv, spill, sang og kor. I Juli 2015 fikk jeg min første fantasybok publisert. ''Klanen''

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